The Rules of Living with Extended Family

In the midst of a rainy evening coupled with a bout of post-nasal drip-induced coughing because I'm allergic to the humidity of a rainy weather, a few things came into my mind.  How can I be so mean as to be away from my kid even though just 2 doors away, even though I'm not at work today because of this unwellness?

I appreciate people's help.  But I complaint when I am taken for granted or when people don't think that I am capable of caring for a child and hence no need to let me know anything about their plans. No matter how well-intended an act is, executing something involving my child without my knowledge is a clear hint that I am not important at all.

In reality
In life, no one can tell what's going to happen next.  Let's look at the hypothetical example of X and Y.  X may be perfectly independent, capable and does not need Y today.  To X, Y may be just a helpless soul.   But who knows if there comes a day when X needs Y?  Therefore, does it justify X taking Y for granted now?

TTD - Tolerance, Tact, Diplomacy 
TTD is my basic principle of survivorship with extended family.  TTD surely keeps you harmonious with everyone at home, but it leaves you stressed and taken for granted at times.  Within a very short time, I realised that it takes much more than TTD in order to be happy.

Traditions from the imperial days
Many people opine that inter-racial marriages are more challenging than marriages between the same race.  It's partly true, but even marriage between the same race is just as challenging in the case where both are brought up under different cultures.

Let's divulge into the filial piety concept traditionally-practised by the Chinese from ancient times. Generally, parents are deemed to be the head of the family no matter how old or powerful the children have become.  For instance, the Dowager-Empress during the Chinese imperial days held more powers than the Emperor to the extent that a Dowager-Empress was even empowered to spank the Emperor (in private of course!) for disobedience towards her.

The Chinese today have generally evolved into variety of cultures, depending on the type of education received, location, and their own preference.

Neither this nor that
I am brought up under a little of everything.  Both my parents went to English schools, and they're therefore a little of both.  Not extremely Chinese and not extremely westernised either, but a hybrid from the Gen-X.

Anyway, suffices that we know each others' differences, the challenges involved in making sense and integrating the differences, and my efforts not to win over my child... but instead to enable him enough opportunity to experience a mother's love. 

Conclusion
Having said that, it doesn't follow that I want to be possessive or anything of that sort.  Instead, if blessed with the opportunity to be in the shoes of an elderly mother, I will not want to be involved in my children's family affairs unless sought to give advice, not by one party but both. I'm sure that if you're old enough to have a baby, you should be independent enough to be able to take care of your affairs.  Otherwise, don't bother having any.  

Chinese or western?  I don't think one is superior/inferior to the other.  We need to choose wisely between the two, pick only the good points from each culture to emulate, and leave behind the practices that are already redundant today.   

Just my 2 cents...

The Breastfeeding Talk

The perfect diet

General rule:  Human's milk is naturally-tailored for human babies and thus, it explains why mother's breast milk is best for baby.  But what about in situations when the ideal is challenged?

A history so brief?

Experience-sharing

There are many good resources on the benefits of breastfeeding available online, so I shall not discuss them here.  Instead, I'll go specifically into my recent experience.

I'm not a lactation consultant and therefore only wish to share my humble experience as someone who'd gone through it at one point of my life, and in a different manner from the majority. It's a brief, yet valuable experience.  It's something that I wish I'm able to do as planned, but alas!  There are many things that we humans can only plan, but the ultimate outcome is beyond our control.

An advocator of breastfeeding who uses formula - a treachery, or not?

Just in case if you're curious as to who that person is, I'm referring to no one but myself.  Ahaxxx.... why and how on Earth did I betray myself?

Long ago, I used to wonder why does infant formula sell so well despite breast milk being superior to formula.  Surely there are many reasons to it, but why?  

I used to pledge to myself that I'll try my best to breastfeed and express my milk for as long as possible. 

Mother's milk is not only highly-economical, but it provides all the necessary nutrients for a baby in the right proportion, crucial antibodies, and there's generally no need to worry about intolerance or constipation when it comes to mother's milk.

So what forced me to suddenly change in just 2 months' time?  Here's the story:

Ensuring continuity

In order to sustain lactation for a long duration, say 6 months, 1 year or more, there are some practices that need to be done.

Apart from a nutritionally-balanced diet and enough rest, a mother needs sufficient stimulation in order to lactate smoothly.  The more frequently you breastfeed, the longer you get to continue lactating. Direct latching is best, followed by pump.  As for the latter, if you're pumping exclusively, then you must be very consistent to pump once in every 2, 3 or max 4 hours round the clock.

The challenges that arise when you deliver very prematurely 

When a baby is delivered very prematurely, he/she is thus very small in size and physically not strong enough to suckle from the breast.  Or else why do NICUs resort to OG tube to feed our "mini babies", whether slightly bigger, as small, or smaller than Alvin?  

In my case, by the time my Alvin is strong enough to suck reasonably (when he's around 1.6 kg), my milk production had decreased by 80%, despite expressing milk religiously. 

If it had been the case of a baby who's much bigger and developed, and thus able to start breastfeeding sooner (say 1 week after birth), then perhaps lactation may not be as greatly affected as in the case of a baby who's only able to start breastfeeding more than a month after birth.  In the case of the latter, who knows if my body started giving wrong signals for it to stop lactating and resume fertility because "after so long, there's no baby around to feed, maybe the baby didn't survive, and so we need to start reproducing soon".   Well, I do not know. 

Babies of other people keep quiet and turn serene upon being offered to feed directly from their moms.  But my baby screamed at me when I tried to do the same with him, because I do not have sufficient milk to satisfy him. And his appetite isn't even tremendous, though considered OK for his size and age.

That's right before our discharge from Ward 4A.  And so, I had resorted to using my final resources, namely frozen EBM (expressed breast milk) to feed him until we're home and out of "stock".

 

Hard work but low yield

Relactation is not easy but I just gave it a try without much positive expectation.  Medication didn't work out for me.  Attempts to stimulate production by ways of letting the baby suck and expressing milk did not result in any difference, with a maximum yield of only a few cc per 30 minutes session.  That's a lot of hard work, but the result is negligible.

And thus, breastfeeding is only a sort of comfort or snack in between meals for Alvin as opposed to other babies who receive their full meals via the same.   Although having a few drops of milk is almost useless, a little is arguably better than none.  And of course, it comes with a string of screaming from the angry baby, unless he's falling asleep or if I bring in formula.   

So many reasons for using the formula

Having looked into the goodness of breastfeeding and some of the challenges in this case, let's divulge now into the pros and cons of formula-feeding.

 

The good and bad

Infant formula is costly because it's highly-taxed, it may or may not suit the baby, and is never the same as breast milk no matter how much fortification is added to it.   

Trying out infant formula is somewhat similar to trying out contact lenses; what's good for one person may be lousy for another, and vice versa.  Not surprising, this is why sometimes we see why a number of families (who use formula) use different brand for each child.  What's well-tolerated by Child A may not be the case for Child B.   

Formula-feeding requires stringent practice of hygiene, and any neglect in doing so puts the baby at risk for serious food-poisoning.  Bottle-feeding causes a lot more gas to be gulped in compared to direct breastfeeding.  But of course not many of us have the privilege to breastfeed directly due to work and thus the second best option is to express milk to be bottle-fed to the baby.  

Some babies become constipated as a result of formula-consumption.  As a result, special formula has to be resorted to, which costs a lot more than ordinary infant formula. 

Apply not the blanket rule

Before we outwardly criticise or condemn mothers who formula-feed their babies, we have to first ascertain the reasons why they do it.  

Is formula-feeding done for convenience reason per se, or with the belief that it's better than breastfeeding, or is it due to the body's inability to produce sufficient milk for its baby due to unavoidable circumstances?  What about the case of mothers who are prevented from breastfeeding due to genuine medical reasons that do not allow them to?

Is this kiasu attitude?

Contrary from people's impression that I'd "go private", I let Alvin receive his vaccinations at the Government clinic (Klinik Kesihatan Ibu dan Anak, or KKIA).  Ever since the shocking delivery incident, I'm have no qualms going to some Government clinic/hospital because they're actually much better than what most of us expect.

Despite the long waiting time as there are many other babies going there, and despite having to go on-leave for that purpose, because it's free.  And since the nurses and doctors at the local KKIA near my place are generally nice, I don't mind the waiting time.  

I don't mind anything, except when it comes to going into the "Bilik Penyusuan" (feeding room) at the KKIA to feed Alvin or to change his diapers in the midst of our queue.  Wait........... didn't I praise the availability of such a facility in the past? 

During the first time I went into the room, I saw many mothers breastfeeding their babies there.  I seldom see anyone who bottle-feed babies as small as mine in that room.  It made me feel "paiseh"  (or embarassed in Hokkien dialect) when I wasn't doing the same, and yes, I was bothered by what others may possibly think of me. 

Conclusion

Having said the above, if anyone were to ask me about my opinion on breastfeeding, I'd still maintain my stand, that breastfeeding is the best for your baby and you should thus do it for as long as your body permits.  It's even beneficial for the mother herself, because breastfeeding may help (note: I say may, because everyone is different) in shedding extra pounds, and in the prevention of breast-cancer (speaking of estrogen levels and stuff hormone-related).

P/S (26.09.2014):  After going through extensive reading up (books, articles and TBAN group), and in analysing where did I go wrong, I am of the opinion that my early cessation of lactation after Alvin's delivery was due to - 1) Not using a good pump; 2) I should have pumped milk once in every 3 hours instead of 4 and above; 3) I shouldn't have skipped midnight and early AM pumping because prolactin is high during these hours; and 4) I should have bought and brought a more silent pump along with me when rooming in at the NICU because the queue to use the only breast pump at the NICU was long most of the time.  I regret my past ignorance, so please do not commit the same mistake as mine.

A review on coconut oil

Coconut oil is traditionally-akin to the "Jack of all trades" when it comes to usage. Its uses range from culinary to beauty, and remains as useful even in this modern day.

The cold press virgin coconut oil from Tanamera

Introduction
Long ago, I used to hear a lot of stories about coconut oil; good and otherwise... The good - it works wonders for the skin and hair, while the not-so-good thing I heard about coconut oil is that it has a peculiar smell.  I didn't know because I've not use it then.  So, what does experience tell me now?

The attracting factor
My first encounter with coconut oil came when I tried the Tanamera facial for the first time.  Part of the facial treatment involves facial massage using coconut oil.  Upon application, I immediately fell in love with the sweet scent of coconut oil.  I always associate its fragrance with the coconut candies that I used to encounter in my childhood (remember those brown candies in transparent wrappers?).

Good for....
Here's sharing a few things about coconut oil which I think worked as claimed.

Being a non-professional in cooking, I do not know why the oil is called "virgin", just like olive oil that comes with the "virgin" and "extra virgin" categories.

1. Make-up removal
Voila...  Since most make-ups are oil-based, coconut oil thus works effectively yet gently in removing make-ups.  Just dab a few drops of the oil onto the palm (or fingers if you prefer), massage onto the face in a circular motion, and wipe with cotton pads.  Then, wash your face with your regular cleanser.  You'll notice that your skin feels clean, yet fresh after that.

2. Pre-wash hair conditioner and hot oil
In order to use the coconut oil as pre-wash conditioner, simply apply the desired amount onto the strands of your hair (small amount should be sufficient in order not to cause excess greasiness), leave for 5 minutes and shampoo as usual.

Another use that's indicated on the label of Tanamera's coconut oil is as an alternative to hot oil, where you apply some oil to the hair after wash, leave for a few minutes, and rinse.

As I have naturally-oily scalp that warrants daily washing, I prefer to use the coconut oil at pre-wash rather than afterwards.

Having said the above i.e. the benefit of coconut oil for hair, it doesn't mean that I have the most perfect hair, although I have to admit that this coconut oil pre-conditioner helps tame my treases to some extent.  I'm currently battling with bad-hair days because my hair is occasionally frizzy and not straight by nature, and I have not done any sort of hairdo to rectify it since many months ago as I wasn't sure if chemical treatment goes well with pregnancy.

So if time permits now, I should really do something a.s.a.p. because to me, bad hair day = a compromised mood.   I'm not into super-straight hair because it doesn't suit me, but only desire something that looks neat and easy to manage. 

3. Massage oil
Tanamera spa uses coconut oil in many of its massage packages.

Miscellaneous
If I'm not mistaken, MCT Oil (MCT stands for Medium Chain Triglyceride) that's being used as one of the fortifications in breast milk for premature babies is made of coconut oil.  The smell is very familiar indeed.

Last but not least

If you like the scent of coconut oil, then this is a product worth consideration, bearing in mind the multiple uses and goodness of coconut oil.    :)

The Mentari Spa at Tanamera

Craving a self-reward after working hard in looking after the kid for the past few months, I have decided to head to Tanamera Spa for some pampering.   
 

View of the floor from above the bench ~ rose petals and chrysanthemum floating on water

Mentari Spa for the "night-owl"
After moments of consideration, I have decided to try the "Mentari Spa", a mini package comprising body massage, scrub and mask that takes about 2 hours.

There are a selection of plant-based massage oil to choose from - basil, coconut, ginger, coffee and mixed herbs.  The mixed herbs oil has a sharp but pleasant fragrance that's supposed to be stress-soothing.  Well, I am stressed because I have many new challenges to face nowadays, and sleep-deprived because my kid is a night-owl (and therefore I'm forced to be one too ).

For scrub and mask, I have chosen coconut-based selection.  The scrub and mask smell heavenly-sweet.  Upon application, I was reminded of kuih made of coconut milk, as if I'm in a kuih-making kitchen.  Yum... reminds me of  kuih lapis.  The coconut scrub and mask work wonders, where the skin feels much smoother in the aftermath.

A review
Overall, I'm happy with the 2-hours session.  The massage was professionally-done, and I feel fresher after that.   I really miss feeling fresh after not being able to sleep soundly uninterrupted.  Anyway, I don't mind the interruption because at least it shows the kid is more active compared to last time, although the timing (i.e. late at night) isn't ideal .

The scrub and mask were done after massage.  I noticed that it feels a little chilly in the spa room when mask is applied to the body.  But not to worry, the chill felt is only very mild.

After everything is done, you'll be shown to the shower room for a warm shower.  Bathing robe and towel are provided.

The Hidden Gem

The flea market at the LG floor... 

I wish I have discovered the "hidden gem" of PJ earlier... having stayed there for 9 years when I was a student and during the early years of my work life.

Call it the hidden gem, for it has what I've always been looking for - good CDs, turntable for my father to play his old records, and other goodies that I did not expect to see in a humble-looking shopping mall.  Here's speaking of Amcorp Mall.

So near, yet so far
Years ago, I used to take the LRT from PJ to KL and thus, passed by Amcorp Mall, which is located next to the Taman Jaya station.  In short, I was a frequent passer by, but strangely never visited it when I was in PJ.

I wish I found it earlier

Penang Asam Laksa at Ka Fei Dian 

I felt as if on cloud nine when I saw this Asam Laksa... a dream that finally came true a little too late, but still better than none.  Being a frequent passenger of public transport, I could have conveniently taken the LRT to Taman Jaya and then walk over to Amcorp Mall to pacify my food crave, but no.... I didn't know earlier.  Anyway, I still enjoy Asam Laksa very much although not the same way as when I used to crave for it
.

Milk oh milk!

Advocating Breastfeeding, but....
Mother's milk is surely the best nourishment for babies.  I'm a supporter of breastfeeding and would like to do so for as long as possible.  Coming from a different path from most mothers out there as I didn't have the privileged opportunity to breastfeed my baby from Day 1, I later realised that it's actually easier said than done.

The Sudden Cessation
Yes, milk just kinda dwindled from about 100 ml per yield to 20 ml.  Who wouldn't be concerned, especially when there's someone in need of milk?

The doctors at Ampang (while I was still there rooming-in with baby) told that I was probably too exhausted but should be able to resume production as usual once I'm back home.

Back home, the situation did not improve.  Left without a choice but to top up.  :(

The Gamble Thus Begins
Similac Neosure
Similac Neosure is formulated for premature babies or babies in need of catching up. My kid likes it... and so do I because it doesn't taste sweet. But still, nothing beats breast milk. 

However, my big nightmare came within a week thereafter when he became constipated.

Eek!
And then we brought the kid to our local pediatrician, who prescribed enema (it contains normal saline solution) to help ease his constipation.  I  dread the idea of having to administer enema to my kid, bearing in mind the discomfort that ensues in the process of "receiving" it.  

My father had told me before that I used have enemas as a baby too.  Oh gosh, my kid seems to be very similar to me... us being premature babies although I was not as prem as him, etc... and now constipated babies.  Poor little fella.

A week later, the kid's constipation didn't improve and we went to the pediatrician again.  This time, she had recommended us to try either Frisolac Comfort (formulated with bean gum for babies prone to reflux and constipation) or Novalac IT (specifically formulated for constipated babies).

Frisolac Comfort
Not really sure which is better, we've first decided to try a small tin of Frisolac Comfort (FC).  2 days after usage, we still didn't see any difference.  In fact, I thought my kid looked more restless and his constipation unimproved with FC, which means FC is not suitable for him.  Sigh......

Taste and texture-wise, FC is thicker than ordinary milk, doesn't taste sweet but smells a bit vanilla.  I notice that the thickness is more so when the milk gets cold, hence making it more difficult to suck through a normal hole on the teat.

Note (added later):  Frisolac Comfort is more suitable for those with reflux problem.  A thicker texture = less likely for milk "come out" after feeding.

Novalac IT
The Novalac IT formula is available at pharmacies.  Here, it costs RM62.50 per tin of 900 g. 
I do not know if this will work or otherwise.  If it doesn't, I really don't know what to do.  It's all because of my own bodily failure,my kid may not be so badly constipated if I had more milk of my own although he'd experienced constipation twice when in NICU where he was exclusively fed on my expressed milk (but it's just twice over a period of 1 1/2 month... not everyday like now).  Why does my body always work against the innocent kid?

Conclusion
Each time I see the restlessness on my kid's face, I feel helpless.  Tummy massage doesn't work, switching formula hasn't proven to work, and my milk production hasn't shown improvement despite consuming what I was advised to consume, and also despite being on a medication to so-call increase prolactin level.  

I wouldn't dare to put a blanket-blame on all formula-using moms.  Not all mothers who use infant formula are lazy.  Although some may use it for convenience reason, there are a number who use it either because they're unable to naturally produce sufficient milk to feed their babies, or the nature of their job is such that there's not opportunity to express milk at workplace (or due to insufficient knowledge about breastfeeding which leads to premature cessation/decline in lactation).

P/S: 
1. The Novalac IT started showing its effect upon consumption for 2 days. Poop comes out soft.  
2. This post is not intended to promote formula milk but only to share a personal experience.  Mother's milk is the best.

New Path Ahead

Here's a view that's breathtaking enough for one who's been under intense stress for the past few days, or weeks for that matter... and after not seeing the sun for 10 days.

One of the views from Ward 4A at Hospital Ampang

All day all night
A call from the hospital for me to stay in with my kid was a positive one indeed.  Deep inside, I also knew that it's the beginning of a changed lifestyle.

How does it feel to be in hospital for 10 days without any contact with the world out there?

The facilities at Hospital Ampang are generally good, but the lack of access to news and such soon made me lost track of the date, as well as how many days I've been there.  

At the Mothers' Room of the NICU, the lights were on all day and night with no room for darkness.  All of us there face various types of stress - worrying about our babies, adapting to taking care of babies by ourselves (for first timers), and so on.  The NICU is very cold.  I'm not fearful of cold temperature, yet this one was a challenge to me.

Bring your own cutleries!
The food at Hospital Ampang is generally ok, but mothers who check in to the Mothers' Room of the NICU are advised to bring along their own fork and spoon as none are provided there.  Cutleries are only provided for people in the wards, not NICU.  Also, it's advisable to bring along a small knife if you prefer to skin your apple or pear.

 Meal at NICU

Lunch at Ward 4A.  Nasi briyani... yum........

Everything first time
Indeed it was.  It's the first time I changed diapers, first time feeding a baby, and first time swaddling one.  I also didn't know how to burp a baby.  I had no idea how it's done until I observed it from the nurses and my fellow roommates.  So much of theoretical knowledge and yet zero experience in actual handling!

Among the challenges
...are feeding a baby using a syringe instead of bottle.  According to the doctor, it's to avoid nipple confusion among babies.  Not unexpected though, as Hospital Ampang is categorised as "Hospital Rakan Bayi" (or baby-friendly) that endorses breastfeeding.

When I first checked in, I was disappointed by my kid's poor appetite.  I'd have to wake him up every 3 hours for feeding (33 cc EBM+1/2 scope Carborie+0.6 cc MCT oil) or else there wouldn't be feeding at all.      And using a syringe is not exactly pleasant in motivating a baby to feed because a syringe is hard while a baby's natural instinct is to suckle on a soft surface.

There's a distinction between spitting up and vomiting, but in reality it's not really easy for a first timer to tell the difference in the beginning.  A vomiting-phobia person who'd do anything to prevent vomiting and also fearful of seeing others puke, I ended up wearing a thick face by frequently referring to the nurses and also doctors whenever I saw anything spilling out from my kid.

I didn't have much time to sleep.  Perhaps only 4 hours daily, if any.  I was working round-the-clock.  In short, you may say that I had a relaxing "confinement month" because I didn't need to care for a baby immediately after delivery, but the following month I had to do double the amount.

Anyway, a mother who's concerned about her child will not mind doing everything she can for her child.  After going through a long journey of challenges, I'm grateful for the opportunity, because to be called in to live with the baby means a progress is underway.

A few days later (I don't know how many days because I've lost track of the calender), I was told that my child and I would be out of the NICU to the ordinary ward for babies.  And thus we moved to Ward 4A, which is much more pleasant because it has a more relaxed environment, less cold, and more spacious.

I wish to continue, but.....

The Lactation Room at Ward 4A

Nothing beats what's natural, so mother's milk is always the best.  I used to have an abundant supply of milk until a sudden cessation when I checked in to 4A.  A typical single yield of 100ml suddenly dwindled to 20-40ml.

I don't know what went wrong.  I've highlighted it to the doctors, but things mysteriously didn't work out even though I went along with the advices.  My favourite question is "Why does my body always work against my kid?"

I'm a little disappointed by the fact that I'm now relying on premature formula >50% of the time.  The maximum I managed to provide my kid now is about 20 ml of EBM, and about 30 minutes of breastfeeding which seemed inadequate because my kid isn't satisfied with me due to my slow flow.  

So difficult to obtain
I had difficulties finding pharmacies that sell Carborie and MCT oil (MCT stands for medium chain triglyceride) to fortify my milk as advised by the dietician.  After calling up the pharmacies of various hospitals, I only managed to find Carborie at Pantai Hospital Ampang.

Conclusion
Prior to discharge, I was taught BLS.  Other advices including not to bring baby to public places when he's still small, visitors must be well when they come, and that we should see a pediatrician if the baby is unwell.

And now is the beginning of a new journey ahead.  A journey which I do not know what to expect, so I shall only go along with what needs to be done for the moment.  Now that we've gone through the 1st phase, a new set of concern thus comes.

A Mother... or Friend?

Today is about a month after the birth of my child.  What does it feel to be a "mother"?  I put inverted commas to the word mother because I have yet to experience motherhood in the full sense.

Summary of progress
My child is currently no longer on CPAP and long lines, with only the OG tube attached for feeding.  He feeds on expressed breast milk (EBM) and fortifications.  His weight gain isn't really significant, though he beginning to look more like a baby rather than a fetus, unlike on Day 1... if I were to ignore the size aspect.

"Wow, we finally get to see what you look like" was the first phrase uttered when my husband and I saw our child's full face for the first time ever when the nasal cannula was removed.  

Against our usually compliant nature, we went against the prohibition to take photos.  I'm pretty excited to share some of the photos, but after a few considerations, I think it's better to do so only when the time is right.  But I'll definitely not say no if you come to me privately and ask to see the photos.  I'm amazed that he looks like my brother during his baby days... oh, you can never miss on what's genetically-connected!

Nevertheless, I'm still not free of concerns about my child because premature babies face more risks than full-term ones.  

Providing milk
What is a mother to do when her child is kept in an isolette in hospital while she's free to go home?

My daily routine now comprises expressing as much milk as possible, and then storing them in the freezer.  Each time I go to the NICU, I'll bring along with me bottles of EBM in a cooler bag, which I then keep in the freezer at the Bilik Penyusuan.

.....

What's natural and what's not
Basically, a baby who suckles on its mother stimulates the production of the hormone called prolactin.  Prolactin thus stimulates the production of milk.

Since I have yet to enjoy the opportunity of letting a baby suckle on me, I have to go by the artificial way.

Electric or manual?
The general rule in determining which type of pump to go for depends on how frequently do you need to express your milk.  If you need to express milk once or twice a day, a good-quality manual pump should be able to do the job fine enough.  But if you need to do it more frequently, or if you require better simulation of a suckling baby, then an electric pump may be a better option.

The lactating room at the NICU in Hospital Ampang has a high-end electric pump for mothers whose babies are there.  However, due to time and distance factors, I have yet to try using it although I'm sure it will do a much better job than my mid-end pump.  Initially, I had intention to buy a brand of pump.  But since the nearest baby accessories shop to my house only has one other brand, I have settled on the latter.  It's not too bad after all, it still does a reasonably good job although it would be better if it operates without sound.

Doing it differently
I believe that a mother's milk production goes higher with the availability of a baby who suckles on her.  No matter how high-tech is one's pump, it can never defeat what's natural.  What is there for me to stimulate more production?  So far, I've never exceeded 300 ml per day... an amount that's still adequate for the time being, but surely won't be enough for a bigger baby.

My EBM experience so far
When expressing milk, I've tried doing it under different environments.  In the end, I notice that the following conditions as conducive to a greater productivity:

1. An environment that's free from distractions such as the computer and Internet.  Don't know for what reason, I always ended up with an unproductive session when I had access to the above.

2. Thinking of my child.  That I must provide him with sufficient food to grow up, more so when he's so small right now.  The best way is by looking at those photos taken against regulation.

3. Listening to music.

4. A gentle self-massage with the help of a warm towel before expressing milk.

Ideally, one should express milk at least once in 4 hours, which means 6 times daily (24 hours divide by 4).  But so far, I only managed to do 3 times per day - usually from 7.30 - 9 am, 2 - 3.30 pm, and 8.30 - 10 pm.  I wish  soon to be able to wake up in the middle of the night for one more session so that I can start training myself to stand with less sleep.

It gets boring at times to sit through an afternoon session, post-lunch time is always tempting for a siesta instead of expressing milk.  I have no choice but to do it first and then take a nap if I have time rather than vice versa to avoid waking up engorged and painful later.

I notice that I have little time to waste i.e. time management is crucial, in which I've not been really up-to-the-mark at home - like how I'm wasting time writing this note when I should be pumping right away (and later complain that I have no time to take a nap).  

After all the effort, it gets really frustrating when milk accidentally spills, no matter how little... like what happened last night.

How was confinement?
I hardly spent a day without going out.  If not to the NICU, I'd be doing my usual chores.  To me, doing chores keeps me occupied, helps alleviate stress, and probably contributes to a speedier recovery.  

Other than the consumption of red dates tea for a month and taking herbal bath for 2 weeks (my mother-in-law prepared them), I did not adopt other traditional Chinese confinement practices such as the consumption of rice wine chicken and pig's trotter (I have a strange phobia for various parts of pork).  I took my bath and washed my hair as usual, and consumed some cold drink (when no one's looking) when I feel hot because cold water provides instant hydration.  The herbal bath feels a little spa-like due to the pleasant scent produced, surprisingly relaxing.

My take on "wind", a much-feared element as per traditional Chinese confinement belief is that it's neither entirely correct nor wrong.  While the uterus contains some gas after becoming suddenly emptied post-delivery, such gas is only limited to inside the uterus and will not pass to other parts of the body.  And thus, practices such as fully covering up the body when outdoor, refraining for bathing and cooling food are actually of no real necessity.  Like others, I felt slightly bloated during the early days, but I just "tahan" the discomfort and tried to relax.

Just in case if you thought "how come you're so lucky that you didn't get reprimanded for going against traditional practices", it's actually because I didn't bother listening to what people told me.  Although I didn't argue with anyone, I thickened my face and did not take notice of what I was told to do or not to do by my elderly.

The sensation each time when I visit the NICU
Each time I go there for my visit and to deliver stuff, I'd get that pre-examination sensation.  I'd have butterflies in the stomach before I go in, and if I'm pleased with what I see, I'd regain my appetite and eat happily.

In view of the shocking incident last year, gone are the days when I used to be very positive whenever I go to hospitals.  So, it surely will take time to regain those positivity.

To my dear child, you better grow up to be good... see how stressed am I, always in fear of you not catching up with other full-term babies.

Mother or friend?
Unlike the majority of mothers-and-babies who get to be together since Day 1, the case of my child and I is different.  I don't get to feed him directly since birth, I don't get to cuddle him a lot (I've only carried him not long ago when the nurse let me to do so recently).  Carrying my child feels more like carrying a cat due to his tiny size.  During other times, I'd touch him (by opening the isolette and putting my hands in after a thorough wash), which also felt like petting a cat.  My child will surely "curse" me for always equating him to a cat!

As my child is not with me most of the time since birth, I guess he may not have the same type of attachment to me as other babies with their mothers.  I always feel the void of physical attachment, although my emotional attachment for him has never diminished even for a heartbeat.  I do miss him on certain days when I don't see him.  Perhaps it may not be so bad.   For instance, maybe he won't cry in search of me when I'm not at home during the day due to work.

At this time, I feel more like a friend, or a playmate rather than a mother to this little child... I feel that the relationship is still casual at this stage because I only provide milk and play with him whenever I see him, but I've never really fed or changed his diapers like what most mothers do.  Perhaps I have no reason to fret yet, because at this point in time, he should by right still be in my womb rather than out so soon to the world... so I must be patient until he's big enough to come back to me.  Poor little fella might have thrived much better if he's still inside - bigger, more developed, and less vulnerable.  But he's on the similar path as me... and my only prayer is for him to fare better in life than me. 

So Shockingly Sudden

Why of course... Instinct is neither logical nor scientific, but it's real.  There's only one word to describe what just occurred recently - SUDDEN.

Something's not right, but what?
I went to work as usual last Thursday, did my usual chores back home and went for a shower.  I didn't feel right, but I didn't know what's it.  I was not in pain, but I felt strange.  I saw some discharge (just a little and without blood), so I dismissed any morbid thought that came with it since there wasn't blood. 

I was initially supposed to see my ob/gyn on Saturday, but I thought I'd better go a day earlier.  An EL (emergency leave) sounds like a taboo on Friday and I was afraid if my boss gets the wrong idea that I was taking advantage of pregnancy to laze off until Monday, but I had a strange urge to rest.

I had my check-up and everything looked fine.  Fetal position was cephalic (head-down), but not engaged yet.  I was even overjoyed to have a clearer look at the fetus' face on the 4D scan for the first time ever. 

Still didn't feel right
On Saturday, I saw a lot of mucus coming out.  I wondered if it's the mucus plug - was it broken?  Or was it infection?  There's neither pain nor discomfort, also no itching, and I only saw a tinge of pinkness for a few moments before it disappeared.

The Bloody Show
After coming out of the washroom on Saturday night at about 8.30 pm, I suddenly felt a heavy flow of blood gushing out.  I knew something terrible was going on, I must not wait anymore and I went to hospital straight.

While waiting for Dr Norshida to arrive, the staff midwife examined me.  She did a CTG and told me I was having contraction.  The staff midwife asked if I felt anything, I said no.  Contraction?  But I didn't feel any discomfort, cramping, or sensation of contraction.

When Dr Norshida arrived, she confirmed that I was in labour.  As the fetus is only 29 weeks, I have to be admitted to a hospital with ventilator available at its NICU.

My worst nightmare has come true - a premature baby!  I was a former premature baby too (late preterm because I was 36 weeks already).  As I was "more matured" at birth, I did not require a ventilator.   My brother is a naturally full-term baby though.  So it's coincidence rather than anything genetic...

Under Observation
Only if I knew.....  I should have gone to ................... Basically, major Government hospitals are well-equipped in handling cases such as this.  And since I have the pink antenatal card (commonly called "buku merah") from Klinik Kesihatan, it would even be easier.

Alas, although I knew it's a "no-play-play" situation, I wasn't sure it was labour because I did not experience the typical symptoms of labour other than blood coming out, which was actually a show... and I did not feel any contraction at all.  Initially, I even imagined soon losing the kid inside for I thought my placenta was tearing away or something more serious, which gave rise to this bleeding episode. 

I was administered with Dexamethasone (steroid injection given to speed up fetal lungs maturation) and given nifedipine for tocolytic purpose.  I was referred to Gleneagles (don't ask me how did Gleneagles come into picture because it was a long story...), being one with proper NICU and such, as the Government hospitals like HKL, Ampang, Serdang, Putrajaya, etc that Dr Norshida had contacted told her that they had no ventilator. 

At Gleneagles, Dr Teresa Chow came and saw me on Sunday morning.  After checking on me, decision was made for admission to Government hospital.  Long-term NICU care will cost a mountain in a private hospital (this is not a late preterm baby who probably needs just a week in NICU, but a 29-weeker a.k.a. very preterm baby who will require a few months of care in hospital).  In this case, it turns out that the pink antenatal card from KKIA is useful for admission to Government hospital for delivery.  Dr Teresa then wrote a referral letter for me to get admitted to Hospital Ampang.

At Hospital Ampang
I was immediately sent to the admission ward - "Wad Bersalin Hospital Ampang".  I was checked on by a few doctors and the nurse told me to change to the pink hospital attire for maternity patients.  I gave the nurse my IC and pink card for registration.  Another dose of Dexamethasone was administered at 11.30 am.

View from my bed at the admission ward of Wad Bersalin Hospital Ampang

I was admitted to the labour ward at about 12.30 pm.  It's past lunch time, so my husband had to get me lunch from outside.  Thinking I might need a lot of energy for delivery later (which was actually not the case, because it was all too easy and speedy- the details are below...), I tried my best to finish my full lunch takeaway.   

I was bored in the ward, without anything interesting to read or look at.  I didn't walk around because I was fighting hard to buy time.  The only consolation was the opportunity to chat to a few other patients near my bed.  

Tea time. 

Dinner before delivery.  Rice with cabbage and spicy fish.    

A pain like no other, but briefly

I had no contraction pain from morning until the evening.  But starting at 8.20 pm, I began to feel some discomfort on my pelvic bone. From just once, the pelvic pain came once in every 30 minutes (8.50 pm), then once on 10 minutes (at 9.00 pm), once in 5 minutes (at 9.05 pm, and then every minute).

I pressed the call button each time the pain came.  Nurses came and checked if the pain was due to contraction.   After 5 minutes, the nurse told me that I didn't have contraction. The nurse then thought I was having UTI and had given me a specimen cup to obtain a sample for testing.  I told the nurse that I had no infection, and that I was also not in the urge to urinate at all. "Rasa meneran yang tersangat-sangat, tu je...", I told the nurse.  I couldn't lie down straight, but had to do it sideways.

9.10 pm

The nurses did not believe me.  At first, one of them told me "Dah check 5 minit, tak ada contraction. Kalau betul awak dah nak bersalin, mesti awak dah sakit sampai awak dah tak boleh bercakap.  Jangan risau, kesakitan ni pengalaman yang paling bermakna untuk setiap ibu, especially anak first".  Very consoling words indeed, still my instinct felt otherwise. 

Probably annoyed with my persistent complaint (I had to... because I really felt the urge to push), the nurse called the doctor.  The doctor came, did a VE and told the nurses to rush me to the Labour Room (LR) immediately because dilation was full.  I also heard her said "nampak kepala".  So fast!

I was pushed to the LR on the bed itself.  I was told "tahan dulu ye, try jangan push sehingga kita sampai labour room".  Looking back, I would have delivered in the ward itself had I ignored my intuition.  

I was in the LR with a few doctors and nurses ready.  The nurses guided me to lie down and hold myself. The doctor told me to push. 

Ideally, one should lie down still and not raise one's pelvis when pushing in order to minimise tearing to the perineum.  But in moments of pain, it's difficult to stick by what's ideal because the body's natural reaction is to defy it. 

Out to the world

And voila, all in all, it took just a few minutes and the baby's out in one push!  My baby is so tiny, just about the size of the adult cat at the backyard of my house.  Guess what's his weight?

My husband's at home when the nurse called him to come to the LR.  The kid came out so fast, which didn't even give his dad any opportunity to witness his birth.  So by the time my husband arrived, the baby's  already out although my husband took only a short time to reach on that quiet Sunday night.    

A little story on child delivery

How it feels to deliver a child?  I did not feel contraction although I was having it, but I only felt a brief, intense pelvic pain right before delivery.  It all lasted for just 30 minutes. I guess active labor came quickly right after the effects of nifedipine wore off.  Since my child is very tiny, I didn't have much trouble "expelling" him out.  

After delivering the child, the placenta was soon delivered.  The doctor and nurse then checked the placenta to make sure it's intact.  The nurse clenched her fingers into a fist and inserted it "inside" to contract the uterus.  A doctor massaged my abdomen a few times. It was a very, very bloody sight.  

I wish my husband was there to witness everything so that he knows how scary it is... hahaha, what an evil wife I am because I like to see people in fear.  Will he puke, get pale, faint, or appear indifferent at the sight of such bloodiness?

Due to my inability to do the ideal, suture was necessary.  The nurse would swab, stitch, swab, and stitch, ..... and the process went on until completion.  The swabbing part alone was painful enough, let alone stitching.  

I didn't cry because of pain, but some "uhh" and "ahh" were irresistable.   I was given a cup of Milo after everything's done.  

Post-delivery

After a proper cleaning up, I was taken to the post-delivery ward.  My husband went to the labour ward to collect my stuff.  Accordingly, my neighbours in the labour ward asked my husband if I've delivered, he told them "yes" and they said "wah, cepatnya...".  

It felt a lot more relaxing to be in the post-delivery ward.  Most mothers had their newborn babies beside them.  In Government hospitals, with the exception of those whose babies are admitted to the NICU, mothers are required to care for their own babies.  Only a few others were like me, all by ourselves.

I didn't really sleep that night because of the sheer attack of emotion at what just occurred - I was still shocked and almost in disbelief.  It was like a dream!

A random picture of my lunch at the post-delivery ward.  I forgot to take a picture of my breakfast because I was too hungry in the morning. 

First visit to the NICU

Since I've not bathed the whole day on Sunday, I went for a shower in the morning after breakfast. And followed by a brief walk from the ward to the NICU.

I wasn't surprised at what I saw.  After all, I also came out the same way as my child - premature and kept in an incubator.  His skin looked red but not wrinkled, unlike me as I was wrinkled when I was born (according to my father).  So tiny, so tiny!!!

I wasn't intimidated by the sight of intubation, the various lines and tubes because these are things that I used to see just a year ago - speaking of my nightmare at Hospital Ipoh last year which I've not really shared with anyone, well.....   Nonetheless, I was not without fear because I didn't know what to expect.  

The nurse told me "ok je ni... kalau nak tahu lebih lanjut, bolehlah tanya doktor".   I didn't bother asking the doctor, because if there's anything important enough that I need to know, I believe they'll inform me.  

How can I help? 

I went to the NICU again the next day.  I saw the doctor's note nearby... I didn't intentionally see it, but it's just there and I took a peep.  The final sentence said "Get EBM".  At least I felt a bit better that my child can be fed.

A nurse came and asked me for EBM.  On Day 3, the nurse told me to try expressing some milk.  She even took me to the "Bilik Penyusuan" and showed me how to do it manually by hand.  By hand because I was a bit too swollen over there and using a machine may hurt.  I took so long, 2 hours for less than 30 ml.  It was colostrum, I labelled my bottle and kept it in the fridge provided.

I wish I can do more for my child at the moment, but it isn't possible yet.  So the best that I can give is my own milk.  I wish I can have more milk in times to come so that I can play a greater part in helping my child's growth.  

Sometimes I feel bad that my body is unable to carry my child until he's fully term.  It looks a little mysterious and I do not have medical problems, except some PV bleeding during my first trimester and early second trimester (threatened abortion).

When I look back, I realise that's a telltale sign that my body is not quite fit to sustain a pregnancy for as long as most mothers out there.  On a drastic side, I'm seriously considering not to have anymore baby after this shocking event.

I contemplate a long journey in the NICU because my child is prematurely born.  God please give us the strength to overcome this present challenge...

Conclusion

Well, what else can I do but to pray for the best?   

The way he comes to the world somewhat reminds me of my child's grandmother a.k.a my own mother... the way she left the world.  Both went to hospital by ambulance (my child is in utero of course), my mom's intubated before she left, my child's intubated (for the first 19 hours of life) when I first saw him.  She left in May 2011, he comes in May 2012.  What a freaky coincidence, so I'm scared.   

The things I share in common with my child - we're born in the same month (our birthdays are just 5 days apart), we're born on Sunday, and we're Geminians!  I have nothing more to ask for, but to see him grow up like any other children out there, and do better than me in life.

Guess my note is going haywire as if I'm turning crappy, so I shall step down from my soapbox for now... and it's time to head back to EBM, no matter how little (not surprising, as there isn't any stimulation in the form of a baby's sucking).

Contrary to the myth that Government hospital is a scary place to be in, I'm glad for the generally pleasant experience that I had at Hospital Ampang for my child delivery, although there were some hiccups just before going to the LR.   

P/S: I delivered my second child at HUKM (or PPUKM) in March 2014.  This time, the pregnancy lasted more than 36 weeks, thanks to an emergency cerclage at 29 weeks, At last, I found out why I delivered preterm during the first time.  In short, an elective cerclage is mandatory for all my future pregnancies, if any.  The full stories are as follows:

Part 1: Eventful 3rd Trimester at HUKM

Part 2: -unfinished-

Part 3: Hello Brother of Alvin

Expect the Unknown

God... I have nothing more to ask for, but the well-being of the one whom I love and care from the bottom of my heart.  Please help us escape what we fear.

Will the sun ever rise once more, after so long a period of hibernation?   

The "Green Tea and White Chocolate Chips Cookies" Project

Having inherited plenty of cooking materials, inter alia flour, green tea powder (matcha), and baking powder, I thought of making good use of them rather than allowing them to go to waste.  Baking came into mind, but being a total novice in baking, it took me some time before I decided that I was finally ready.

This is my debut project involving cookies. As a start, I've decided to try something humble, one that's easy to follow through.  

Thanks to the author of Da Washoku Kitchen, below is the result of what's adapted from her recipe (please click the link to be directed to her original recipe) - the Green Tea Matcha and White Chocolate Cookies.

With the necessary ingredients and tools from my brother's chef toolbox (my brother did chef training before, but is retired from the kitchen now), but not knowing what to expect since this is my first time, here's a pictorial summary of the preparation and baking processes:

Dry ingredients: 150 g flour, 1 tbsp matcha, a pinch of salt, and 1/4 tsp baking soda 

100 g butter, 50 g granulated sugar, and 100 g brown sugar in mixing bowl

Butter and sugar.  

Mixture of butter, sugar and eggs.

Approximately 1/2 cup white chocolate chips

Mixture of dry and wet ingredients

My first batch of hand-drop cookies prior to baking.  I made it into the size of a dime.

Cookies freshly out of the oven.

The original recipe intended these cookies to be chewy, and they should be baked at 330 deg F (about 166 deg C) for between 6-8 minutes.  

However, as I intended to bake ordinary cookies for this time, i.e. those that crunch as you chew on them, I've modified the baking temperature to 170 deg C for 20 minutes.  

Overall, I'm glad that the baking project went fine, except that I ended up with pain on my wrists during the night after I finished baking and cleaning up.   Speaking of pain, it's either due to not being used to doing small things one by one all by myself, or due the bodily change occurring within.  

The cookies here looked less green than I've expected, perhaps the matcha I used is more olive-green than green in colour.  Taste-wise, each bite gives rise to a hint of matcha aroma. Thus, these cookies make ideal treats for green tea lovers.

Kiddy's grandma would have been happy to try the cookies; I used to tell her I wanted to learn to bake cookies, but she'd just missed the chance to witness it by a year!  These cookies could have been good for  Mother's Day.          

The Beautiful & Ugly Truths

The ERL is one of the most comfortable trains of world class standard in Malaysia. But dishearteningly, many (though not all) of its passengers are "kiasu".

So familiar, yet so strange

Getting It
Try boarding the KLIA Transit during peak hours e.g. in the mornings and evenings when folks are busy commuting to work and back home, and you'll get what I mean.

No Better, Maybe the Worst
If you happen to be one of those in the needy category (e.g. being an elderly, or visibly pregnant, or a person carrying a child), you'll soon appreciate this "kiasu" factor more than ever. The chances of being offered a seat in the KLIA Transit because you happen to fall under the needy category is no better than when you take the LRT or KTM Komuter.

One in a Million
In general, meeting generous souls is quite a rare thing in our public transport scenario. Sad, but true. But from my personal experience, the chance of meeting kind folks who offer their seats to those in need is highest when you board the Kelana Jaya Line train (formerly known as PUTRA LRT), followed by Monorail, the Ampang/Sri Petaling Line (formerly called STAR LRT), KTM Komuter, and lastly, the ERL.

The Connexion
The ERL happens to be the most expensive amongst all the trains here. I wonder if higher purchasing power has any correlation with the higher level of "kiasu"ness among some (not all) ERL passengers - like maximising the money's worth of the ticket purchased. Or is it any other factor?

Far from Pleasant
My two cents here is that, the public transportations in our country is still far from passenger-friendly. The ERL may top others in terms of punctuality and arguably even comfort, but alas... the actual scenario is unfortunately tainted by "kiasu" attitudes among many of its passengers.

Thank You
However, having said that, I nevertheless highly appreciate those in the minority good Samaritan category who kindly offer their seats to folks in need of seats.

Those Days
Self-praise is no praise, but I used to offer my seat to others until I become needy of a seat myself. Do I expect anything in return of my small gesture? No, I don't and I shouldn't. There were even times when I felt discouraged to offer my seat, when I came across "recipients" who were either expressionless or thought there's no need to say "thank you".

Yes, I did get angry at times, being an imperfect human in the world. But I had to do it. It's either my conscience of making sure that a heavily-pregnany woman in front of me doesn't fall and cause harm to at least her innocent little one inside, or making an unfair generalisation that all passengers on board are "kiasu" and therefore deserve no help.

Nowadays
Pretty desperate for a seat nowadays, especially a long day out from morning until evening, I have little choice but to queue up on the platform to maximise my chances of securing a seat. I wish I can relax on the steel bench while waiting for the train, but I can't because so far, I've encountered only one precious occasion (after taking the train for how many times?) when a young lady was kind enough to ask me to sit.

For Every First Time

Being away for a long time, I wish I was having pleasant moments.

A breakfast served in front of my bed just as the sun began to rise... Isn't it awesome?

Toasted wholemeal bread with roasted tomato, scrambled egg and salad

The reality was far from being sweet. After all, being hospitalised means something's not right.

Unexpectedly So

It was my first time staying in hospital. It was the first time I was on IV drip. I was dehydrated, in pain, unwell, and down with infection. It's not related to pregnancy, but any neglect may have undesirable effects on it.

This moment was captured when I was still alert, right before the return of my dreadful fever that made me shiver and unable to sit or lie down still on the bed in the ward.

After about 24 hours, I gained some energy and appetite. Here are some of the food that I was served with:

Breakfast.

This is one of the lunches I had... grilled fish skewer with yogurt, boiled vegetables and whipped potato

Papaya and salad together with lunch

As these are food served in the hospital, they are prepared according to the healthy-version manner... low in salt, sugar and oil. The food are mostly grilled or boiled, and the "kuih" served during tea time is the low-sugar version, which I actually prefer because I'm a non-sweet-tooth person.

In front of my bed is a TV to keep myself occupied whenever I was awake. But then I was mostly asleep because I was tired, and lying down excessively had resulted in a little shoulder ache.

What Transpired That Day...
What a time to suffer from infection! The night before, I suddenly felt a strange chill all over. Suspecting a fever, I took my own temperature and voila, it's comfirmed. My stomach felt very unwell too.

I sought my brother for help to take me to the hospital in the middle of the night as I was by myself at my place that day. I went to Columbia Asia Hospital Cheras (in Balakong, near AEON Cheras Selatan) the nearest from home and also where I go for my antenatal check-up, apart from KKIA. I knew I had to be quick and yet be considerate towards my sleep-deprived brother, and thus Government hospital did not come into picture that night.

I only received outpatient treatment that night. Back home, I didn't think that my condition improved. I had a hard time falling asleep. The fever persisted despite taking Paracetamol twice.

The Next Day
Still not feeling right and based on instinct, I went back to Columbia Asia. This time around, I was referred to a physician, Dr Amir Ramli.

Blood and urine tests were done. I was diagnosed with AGE (acute gastroenteritis), and was dehydrated. That explains the extreme exhaustion I was experiencing. I was by myself, and was advised to be admitted.

And there I was, in the ward by noon, administered with IV drip after lunch, and having a fever. At that moment, all that came into my mind was the kid inside. I was afraid of any harm to it. After going through so many difficulties, why am I seem to be suffering misfortune after misfortune? Whatever it is, please spare my child...

Not Surprising
On the third day in hospital, I was taken to see my gynae for ultrasound scan. I was relieved that the kid appeared fine.

But what was that thing that I saw? My gynae, Dr Norshida asked if I'd like to know the sex of my baby. My reaction, just as expected was that I didn't want to know it.

But I saw it despite the blurry eyes, and I thought "uh oh, this is not surprising, but I'm sure my husband will be".

My Overall Comment on Columbia Asia
On the whole, I was happy with the service and facilities at Columbia Asia Hospital. I was in a double-bedded ward with attached shower and washroom. There's an LCD TV for each person with a few selected ASTRO channels. The staff were attentive, polite and prompt in their service.

Each patient who "checks-in" is given a set of toiletteries comprising toothbrush, toothpaste, 1 small-sized towel, 1 medium-sized towel, a comb, soap, shampoo, and a plastic cup.

The deposit (refundable) for each admission is RM300. If you are under any medical coverage, the customer care staff are very helpful in assisting you to secure your guarantee letter (GL). All you need to do is to show your medical card and they'll handle it properly for you... saves you from the headache of having to call here and there in times of distress during sickness.

Should the kid and I make it to the delivery stage, I'll definitely consider going back to Columbia Asia.

But being a patient in a hospital is definitely not a pleasant thing. Although properly attended to, being sick is never a good thing at all.

The Confirmation
What was a speculation for the rest of the night was finally confirmed the day after. When my husband came to pick me home, he asked if we could see our gynae because he's highly curious to know the baby's sex.

I prefer a degree of mystery, but my husband who's the opposite of me prefers things clear and straightforward. Despite the high number of patients awaiting their turns, Dr Norshida was kind enough to spare a few minutes with us. And so, my guess was confirmed. Anyway, it shouldn't even matter what my guess was, so let me just reserve it first.

I always tell myself
To have a child is to take a risk. At the end of the day, it's not up to me to design the fate of whoever that becomes my child. Even having the most perfect of genes doesn't guarantee that an offspring will be perfect, because the world is more than science alone. So, let's not worry unnecessarily, let's not allow my fear to ruin the moments of pregnancy.

Call me fatalistic, but as much as we'd like to deny it, fate does play a role in so many aspects of life. After all, we humans can only plan... but whether a plan materialises or otherwise, is beyond our control.

Conclusion
I have said in the past, I'm prepared for both weathers, rain as well as shine. The months to come will surely keep me waiting anxiously as if waiting for another major examination result in which I expect certain result, or else we'll be doomed.