"Have you (no)...when (now)... and where (don't know)". The Primary School Dilemma

Alvin will be five this year.  Months before the application for Primary 1 was opened, I've received a number of reminders from family members like "Have you seen if registration has started", "Are you going for xxx school" and "Don't take too long!".  I totally understand their concern, as nowadays, applications for primary school are to be done online during the year when the child turns 5, i.e. 2 years before the child starts Primary 1.

The page on the Ministry of Education's website for registration of Primary 1 pupils, 2018 and 2019 intakes. 

Information that need to be filled in
For first time users, it will be necessary to register for a username (your MyKAD number) and password.

When using the system for the first time, you will need to start by typing the MyKID number of the child who will be registered for Primary 1.  Almost all of his or her data will be instantly displayed, like birth certificate number and address.

A tip for parents/guardians who want to register their children: Apart from MyKID (for anyone who doesn't memorise his or her children's MyKID number) it's best to also have your children's Immunisation Book (or Buku Rekod Kesihatan Kanak-Kanak) with you when filling in the online form because there is a part that requests for the dates of all immunisations taken.  Also, please ensure that you have the MyKAD numbers of the main two caretakers, e.g. both parents or others, ready.

Five years down the line
I am not sure how other parents feel when their children are finally old enough to be enrolled for formal education - are they happy, excited and so on?

While I am grateful that Alvin has gone a long way from being a 1.16 kg preterm baby to a preschooler today, there are uncertainties as to how well he will be able to cope with large classroom + numerous subjects + banyak homework... all the things that SJKC pupils go through.

Why be concerned, and why SJKC?
If it's a child whose milestones and behaviours are just like the typical majority, I wouldn't be as concerned.  As discussed in an earlier post, I do not care so much about the type of school that a child enrols into, and am open to the idea of putting my children in a school that uses a different medium of instruction from mine in the past.

Why a particular SJKC?  Distance-wise, it's the nearest from home and hence not to worry about transportation. While I am open to the idea, I am not sure if it will be the best for Alvin.  Hmm... I don't have much say in this matter because among everyone at home with my family-in-law, I am the only one who is not Chinese-educated, and I am quite afraid to introduce an alien idea that may cause discomfort to others, unless it genuinely cannot be helped.

What are the challenges?  These are foreseen when it involves a child whose development in language is not the same as the majority, which is not just language delay and late-talking. Right now, I still do not know if Alvin will be able to catch up 3 languages in SJKC, a challenge not only to anyone with language problem, but also many other children.

The readiness factor: Is Alvin ready to write, write and write?  It's imminent when you study Chinese because practise is the only way to master writing Chinese words. Apart from that, Chinese schools also place great emphasis on practice/homework in other subjects esp. mathematics.

What about SK?  Family factor aside, one main concern is the fact that Alvin has no exposure in Malay language right now, and I do not know the best method to get him to intensively pick up Malay without stressing him up.  I don't want him to lose interest in school solely because of communication barrier in SK.

Today isn't like yesterday:  Although I survived SK not knowing how to speak Malay in the beginning, the phenomena may differ now.  For e.g. Primary 1 stuff today look like Primary 3 stuff to me, and I wonder whether children nowadays are indeed so advanced compared to us in the past?

BM question for Primary 6 that went viral on social media last year.  BM papers for UPSR in the 90s were nowhere near to this level, gone are the days when they only comprised "Soalan-soalan Objektif" for "Pamahaman" and a written paper for "Penulisan".  

Languages of survival: In Malaysia, knowing only the Chinese language is not sufficient to live independently. We need to master Malay (a lot, like in secondary school where all subjects are taught in Malay, and when having government-related transactions), and then English. The only hope now is to see if Alvin will progressively outgrow his current obstacle later on with the help of speech therapy now.

Keep an open mind:  In any event, if there's a need to change school later on, we can still do it despite having enrolled into a school now.  Let's get some expert's advice later and k.i.v. for a Plan B or C.

An eye-opening evening
Staying in a Chinese majority area, 99.99% of pupils from Alvin's kindergarten enrol in SJKC. Naturally, his kindergarten starts preparing its pupils for it.

Although the number of homework is very little - mostly writing alphabets and easy Chinese characters on dotted lines, and can be completed in 10 minutes with guidance (but smarter ones don't need any guidance), homework is still homework, and this is where parental role comes into play.

Five minutes on, Alvin got bored.  No problem, let's play some songs and continue when we're both happy. Unfortunately, halfway through, I was caught surprised by the knock on the door of the homework-cum-sleep room.   Oops, it's Alvin's grandmother, my mom-in-law... "He got no homework is it?".  "Yes, he had, we did for 10 minutes and I decided to stop because he's done enough".  Got 10 minutes eh?  :p  

Are folks at home shocked by this easygoing approach?  As I did not have homework from Primary 1 to 3, it didn't come naturally to me to check the Alvin's books everyday because I didn't expect any homework.  Wah...  if Alvin really goes to a Chinese national-type school, then I must change and be more interested in homework.

Folks may or may not agree with me on this - while I agree to some extend that it's good to groom children to be responsible with their academics from young so that it becomes a habit, I still am not keen to take it too heavily at his present age.

Conclusion
Alvin's application for primary school is almost done, except for a few boxes I couldn't fill in. Fingers-crossed, I don't know what to expect after this.

All I want is a school that's convenient in terms of transportation and location, one that is suitable for Alvin to learn, with teachers who are compassionate enough to understand his current shortcomings that we're working on to improve.  Alvin Boleh!!

Baby Misya Ariana

A delightful news came with the recent arrival of a cute niece called Puteri Misya Ariana Yap, whom my brother (the dad) sometimes calls Miss Yap.  She is petite, but very loud.

Ariana, the only girl among her immediate cousins comprising all boys as of now, was born in Hospital Serdang on a Thursday evening.  Her delivery was induced as her mom i.e. my sister-in-law Ira started developing PE at around 38 weeks (baby’s already term). 

Thankfully, Mommy Ira is getting better now.  However, little Ariana was admitted into the NICU on Day 4 due to jaundice. 

Close to a year after Ian and Ira’s marriage, I was also finally able to personally meet Ira’s sister, youngest brother and 2 year old nephew for the first time.  It was nice, but at the same time I felt a little bad because of the long duration taken to do so due to time constrain.  

Congratulations to both new parents.  To Ariana, welcome to the world and may you grow up happy, healthy and be a good person all-round.    

Against logic for good or otherwise?

More than 2 years down the line, I am still unsure if I’m ready to gamble, or "don't care" once again. Sometimes I want more, but sometimes I don't.

Logic tells me that I am crazy to change my mind. However, my instinct tells otherwise, despite the apparent absence of logic. 

A stroll at Taman Tasik Pandan Perdana a day after saying goodbye to Paragard

However, based on past experiences with all other stuff, instinct had always been right compared to logic, despite appearing illogical and even impractical!  Logic vs instinct - which one prevails?

If not for one obvious reason (it's for the sake of A & A, with different reasons for both of them), there is otherwise no reason to change.  Rightfully, I should have been more than contented by now.  But coming from very small family, I have experienced some limitations being an only daughter with only one brother… while childhood was smooth-sailing, adulthood is a little challenging at times with only 2 of us i.e. we’re short-handed when certain matters require care.

Against my logic and uncertainties, sweet-sister-Paragard a.k.a. IUCD of 2 years was finally out.  There’s no looking back, but to embrace whatever that comes, if there is any, or doesn’t come, if there isn't.  

In any event, I have not forgotten that I am not as fortunate as others who generally don’t require major interventions when it comes to carrying a pregnancy to term.  Hence, it further adds on to the need to carefully consider whether it's worth taking another risk.  

In the end, God knows best.  It shouldn’t matter anymore whether there is anymore adik or not.  Let’s allow nature to take place and don't ever put too much expectation on anything in order to avoid disappointment.  

What's Mother's Day To Me: 5 Years Later

It's the month of May now, and Mothers' Day is around the corner.  Fancily-themed cakes are seen in the display refrigerators of bakeries in town.

When's the last time I celebrated Mother's Day in my own simple way?

May 1, 2011: The oh-so-happy-go-lucky moments
Like most folks who would take advantage of a long weekend i.e. weekend combined with public holiday, I returned home to Ipoh.  And since Mother's Day was going to be a week later, let's take the opportunity to celebrate it in advance.  In a low profile way, with a lunch treat for ourselves followed by walking around Kinta City.

Of course, when I compare the past with today, I wish I could have given more.  At first instance, I wish I could bring my mom to wherever she liked for lunch or dinner, shower her with holiday to her favourite destinations, and pamper her with a spa treat.

From the garden of my mom

But ultimately, I'm sure what most moms would prefer their children to spend as much time as possible with them, rather than merely provide physical materials like what was just mentioned.

May 8, 2011: Logic vs intuition
A week down the line, came another weekend.  I'm by nature not a homesick person, but for some mysterious reasons, I felt a strange urge of having yet another trip back home.  "Yes, tomorrow is Mother's Day, but have I not already celebrated in advance?", and thus, I decided to stay back instead of traveling home again after been there only a week ago.

Also, as I'd planned to travel to Ipoh the following week in view of another long weekend (it's going to be another public holiday for Wesak day), I thought I'd better go by logic as opposed to a spontaneous desire.

However, a heart-sinking moment came on Sunday night when my then already-legal-spouse (but yet to be customarily married and not living together yet) called in the evening to say hi, and told me that his family was out for Mother's Day dinner... My heart felt as if it was pinched. oh how I regretted not going home to be with my mother.

"Nah, why fret when I just saw my mom last week, and will be seeing her again in another 5 days?", was my self-consolation.

May 9, 2011: That call-in-distress
I just got seated at work after a break for lunch, when I received a call from my home in Ipoh on my phone.  I was initially a bit shocked when I saw the number on the display because I know my parents very well.  They would never call me during the work hours, unless there's something bad.

As this note is not aimed to elaborate the details of what transpired on that fateful day, let me just say that a person's life is very precious but fragile at the same time.

May 15, 2011: A farewell past midnight
It wasn't a farewell in the literal sense, because I didn't get to witness that final moment.  But May 15, is surely a date that can never be erased from the lives of at least three persons in the world.

Physically, there wasn't any tears from our eyes (because we're probably genetically-stone-cold in appearance), but spiritually, our hearts were probably flooded by an ocean of tears.   I had no qualms about the fact that when there's life, there's also death... but back then, I was shocked because my mom looked perfectly fine until the day when that dreadful call came into picture.

This is neither a note to rant about the past nor to show how that I'm a good daughter... oh no, I am far from what it takes to be a great child.  Instead, this is a note of walking down memory lane into some of the final, but memorable moments with my mother.

Moving forward 
Although I do not have the rezeki to spend more time with my mother, I am nevertheless thankful to God for lending me a mother who had done her best to raise me up... for a duration of one week short of 28 years.

For those who are fortunate to be blessed with the opportunity of being together with their mothers for a huge part of their lives, you've got to count your blessings and please do not take your moms for granted.

OK lah, maybe I am a little kepoh i.e. "busybody"... but wherever I go, when I come across adults raising their voices at their moms for trivia and harmless things, I'd feel disturbed.  It's like "Hello, what justify you raising your voice at the woman who went through so much pain giving birth to you and sacrificed so much of her life because she loves you more than herself?" With small children, they may be forgiven to some extent because they aren't matured enough to appreciate what's good and what's not, although they should be taught from young not to speak rudely to their parents.  But with adults, that will be a bit difficult to reconcile.

Year of the Goat. Happy New Year.

Today is the last day of the Chinese New Year celebration, popularly known as chap goh meh which stands for 15th night in Hokkien.  Happy New Year of the Goat...

(1) What lies ahead for the festive season
Prior to the long break as CNY fell on a Thursday and Friday this year, among the FAQs received were "When will you be on leave?", "Only 2 days, such a short break, is that enough?", "Where's your hometown and when are you going back?", etc.

(a) Flashback to a year ago...
As any other ordinary person, I can only plan.  But what ultimately transpires is sometimes beyond contemplation.  Last year for instance, it was totally outside my imagination that I was to spend most of the CNY "celebration" at HUKM.  Ended up spending my entire third trimester at ward 2B for 2 months, which felt a lot like living in a dormitory, with shared bathrooms, makan ramai-ramai, the purple uniform, and a fixed daily routine.

Anyway, despite the dread and boredom at first, it was overall a pleasant experience after getting to know some new friends.   Lots of time to rest and sleep, but couldn't help missing the little guy at home.  While others enjoy yee sang and an array of festive dishes out there, I was only confined to bland hospital food.

It was the 9th day of CNY when threatened preterm labour occured (also at 29 weeks) and I was transferred to the HDU for tocolysis before undergoing the emergency cerclage.  Thankfully everything turned out well and Ken-ken did not come out during the CNY period.  "Be patient baby... the angpows can wait until next year..." I thought. 

(b) Cuti-cuti New Year
I only took a day off on CNY eve and another a day off post-CNY weekend.  After skipping Ipoh last year, we went there on the 3rd day this year to the home of my cousins+aunts in Bercham.

Scene along the PLUS highway.  

(This is an old picture taken a few years earlier... not during the recent trip)

Alvin was in a rebellious mood.  The rebellion was probably further aggravated by a previously-unknown fact that he's car sick, as he had never puked in car prior to this.  Puking can be traumatising to a young child, and worse when it occurs in a strange place.

Speaking of Alvin and some of his behavorial/sensory issues...  It's NOT TRUE that Alvin's rebellion is due to seldom going out, as what a few concerned relatives said to my parents-in-laws.  He was seldom exposed to crowds before he turned one due to low immunity as a very preterm baby... but after that, he started going out, unless he's having flu or something like that.  I swear that he had been to more places than me at the age of 1+ compared to when I was 5 (i.e. visits to local attractions, not overseas). But then this is my fear... how to bring him to people's house without his  resistence?  Tak bawak kang unfair to him...

Maybe this is related to prematurity as very preterm babies are born with immature brains.  Or maybe it's not.  If by God's will, things works out successfully, I shall try to share them here for the benefit of those under the same shoe.   Issues may not end upon discharge from the NICU, no matter how positive things appear to be at first.  The longer your baby stays inside your womb, the better it is... even by a week.  I don't know whether to be happy or otherwise, but I have probably been chosen to walk a path that differs from the majority... and parenting an ex-prem baby may or may not be the same as for other children.

Despite being a brief, simple and impromptu one, the one-day trip to Ipoh was memorable indeed.  From meeting up with family members whom I've not seen for a long time to passing through places that was once a part of me, I cherished them a lot despite already not feeling well a few days earlier... oh my sorethroat!

(2) The voiceless CNY
On 1st day of CNY, swallowing felt painful to me.  Body temperature was up at 38 deg C by evening.  All clinics around my place, including non-Chinese doctors, were closed for public holiday.  The only safe home remedy available?  PCM and Difflam lozenges.  Tahanlah dulu....

The same thing persisted on the following few days, coupled with cough later on.  I lost my voice completely on Sunday (Day 4), a day after the visit to Ipoh.

On Day 5, when the panel clinic resumed operation, I went to see my regular dr.  I had no voice at all, thus wrote everything on a piece of paper and showed it to the dr.  Fever was still on after so many days... although just very mild.  A medical leave of 2 days after the CNY break was a lil against conscience, as if taking advantage to sambung cuti.  But, commit no fault and hence fear nothing...

Remaining silent, especially when in front of the kids was very odd esp when they are too young to understand why you're suddenly all-quiet with them.  Then they'd frown in front of you, as if wondering why, when they hear your strange voice.

(3) Conclusion
Today, on the 15th day of CNY, my voice still has not fully-recovered although improvement is starting to be more visible now.   :p

Fortunately the voice came back early this week or else I might have to miss the sponsored CNY luncheon again at my workplace.   It's very thoughtful of the management to organise such an event for its (minority) Chinese employees, so how could I have the heart to skip it... unless I genuinely couldn't be present, as in last year?

Of Virus, Scary Event, and "Kena Sound"

Bug-infested… then another “B” in picture

“It” all started with the little one getting infected from family members who caught the flu earlier.  

Picture credit: http://www.dreamstime.com/royalty-free-stock-photos-virus-cartoon-angry-cute-funny-image2909418

Speaking of flu, I find the influenza vaccine pretty good in reducing the incidences of catching flu although it’s not perfect (no, it isn’t…).  This is based on personal experience of having gone for the vaccine for the past few years.

Another scare halfway through

Anyway, back to "it"...  Perhaps I exerted myself too much when I tried comforting but forcing a child who strongly resisted to treatment when unwell (Alvin is very strong-willed in certain aspects, and “no” always means “no” once he has made up his mind that way).  

Picture credit: http://www.clipartsfree.net/clipart/550-blood-drop-clipart.html

 

A child who was unwell isn’t the reason why I was suddenly forced onto a week-long medical leave, but perhaps I worked too hard at home until I forgot about the other child.  The sudden presence of “Miss B***d” warrants enough concern and fear, especially when one is already in the 2^nd trimester.  

The reason behind this occasion of PV bleeding isn’t clear.  Fetus appears to grow in line with gestational age.  Cervix is closed and its length looked normal.  There isn’t infection too.  But why?  

The Plan and my reaction

Instead of the initial plan of taking Duphaston until the 20^th week of pregnancy, Prof has decided that I should continue for a bit longer. And the most dreadful piece of news? KIV for bed rest from Weeks xx – xx later on.  Gulp!!!!!!!!!  

That’s as good as already on maternity leave even before maternity.  A mish-mash of things came into picture.  Will the pregnancy even last for so long?  With all the sacrifices made, what if premature delivery still occurs?  If it occurs, what if we run out of luck and no longer escape from the dangers of prematurity like previously?  Poor Alvin-vin (yeah, I call him that sometimes) because bed rest means cutting down a lot of time with him… as if what I’m currently doing is already considered a lot when it's not.

Digressing….

Congrats to them.  

A cousin (and cousin-sister-in-law) of my husband just welcomed their first bundle of joy about 2 weeks ago.   A  full-term healthy baby boy weighing 8 lbs (i.e. roughly 3.6 kg) born via C-section at Hospital Putrajaya.  

I did not get to visit the couple and their newborn baby of course.   Based on hearsay of my family members who visited, the newborn baby is currently on exclusive breastfeeding.   

But compare us not

Praises poured in with regard to the fact that the baby latches very well to his mom, and for being such an angel for sleeping soundly each time he’s done with feeding (as opposed to fussy Alvin).  

“Rice wine chicken” and lactation… ehm…

Unfortunately, I was pretty hurt when remarks were made about the baby’s mom lactating so abundantly thanks to the daily consumption of rice wine chicken (“黄酒鸡”), and words "that you should have done the same last time" were poured upon me.  

Picture credit: http://www.cooking-china.com/chinese-recipe/en/chicken/hakka-style_chicken_in_rice_wine.html

Whether a baby gets to exclusively breastfeed (i.e. without topping-up with any other milk) for a few days, a few weeks, a few months, or a few years, is not as straightforward as thought.  In fact, looking at a larger picture, one shouldn’t get too stressed if not having the opportunity to exclusively breastfeed for as long as wished, because things sometimes don't run according to plans.

There is no proof that wines are good or otherwise for post-natal mothers.  But no doubt it’s a Chinese tradition that’s been practiced for generations.  Logically, alcohol evaporates with heat... hence after the intensive simmering done to prepare rice wine chicken, the amount of alcohol left should be negligible.  However, I'm unable to confirm that as a fact.

At the end of the day, it’s a personal choice whether to consume rice wine chicken or other stuff like Benedict's DOM or Yomeishu.  It's a matter of whether you think it's good or otherwise.

Judge others not… but first judge ourselves

It’s “rezeki orang” that their baby sleeps soundly after every feeding.  Not fussy, quiet, easy to care for.  Although it would be "jauh panggang dari api" to compare their baby with Alvin, I nevertheless hope that the baby who in turn is my distant nephew, grows up healthily and remains a good boy that he is now.   

. 

Can't stop wondering: 1 or 2?

One child, or more?

This is a question which has been lingering for a long time, yet I do not know what the answer should be.  

 

Illogical but true

A favourite phrase that I have created on my own says “instinct is illogical, but true”.  Yes, it happens all the time.  

How so?  Here’s a simple example:

Today, I saw the KLIA Transit train speeding off right before my eyes.  My immediate instinct was to run over to the KTM Komuter platform for a cheaper alternative since I was going to be late anyway, no thanks to the ever-irritating attitude of drivers who road hog and thus causing massive traffic congestion.  

But upon a second thought, I gave up the idea because I was reminded of my past negative experience with Komuter.  And thus, I sat and waited for the next KLIA Transit for about 10 minutes before I saw that KTM Komuter was coming.  I should have followed my instinct, but I failed to.

As told to me by someone who’s the only child of the family

Weighing the pros and cons of the case of an only child in the family, I had earlier concluded that it’s a matter of making the best of what we have.

But not too long ago, I had a conversation with a friend who is the only child of his parents.  His feedback to my question was “no, no, no… bad idea.  Like me, now that I’m the only young person at home, I am tired of taking care of everyone and everything all by myself.  One person caring for 2, and sometimes more….”

One or two, and why?

Going by my favourite phrase, my first instinct tells me that I should just settle with one child.  

But going by logic, having one child sounds a little scary to me.  

I am very afraid to rely on just one person, I am afraid of what if life does not happen according to expectation, which is not surprising, and I do not know what the future beholds for my child, my husband, and I.

Why one?  

1)      I do not think I have the means to have more than one child.

2)     As I am well-aware of my background, each pregnancy is a 50% risk for my offspring or some further descendants.

3)     I am at high risk for premature delivery.  

4)     I may not be at a desirable age to bear a child by the time it’s suitable for Alvin to have a younger sibling. 

AND

5)     I just have a strange feeling that I may do wrong and cause harm if I have many children.

But why the doubt?

Honestly, if anything happens to a single child, there won’t be any child left at home.  Life is unpredictable.  Also, how can I be so sure that I can depend on my child?  I wish the justification for child no. 2 can be so simple, but then it's not.

Things will be well and good if everything goes fine with the second child, otherwise instead of 2 taking care of 2, we may end up with 1 taking care of 3.   

In light of the risks that I carry for whoever that becomes my child, there’s a higher possibility of problems occurring.  Prematurity alone is risky enough to cause damages, let alone other factors.  Perhaps I shouldn't think any further.

"Syukur..."

In any event, I am thankful for whatever I have with me today.  At the end of the day, whether one child or more, I shall not be over-concerned with the future.  Each person has his or her own "福" (in Chinese), or "rezeki".  

I shall not decide how many children to have, but rather leave it to my natural instinct.  

Right now, I only have one wish and if God decides to grant me (or rather my child...) that, I shall have nothing more to ask for.  But if things work otherwise, then who are we humans to complain, since I was already well-aware of the facts long ago?

The Rules of Living with Extended Family

In the midst of a rainy evening coupled with a bout of post-nasal drip-induced coughing because I'm allergic to the humidity of a rainy weather, a few things came into my mind.  How can I be so mean as to be away from my kid even though just 2 doors away, even though I'm not at work today because of this unwellness?

I appreciate people's help.  But I complaint when I am taken for granted or when people don't think that I am capable of caring for a child and hence no need to let me know anything about their plans. No matter how well-intended an act is, executing something involving my child without my knowledge is a clear hint that I am not important at all.

In reality
In life, no one can tell what's going to happen next.  Let's look at the hypothetical example of X and Y.  X may be perfectly independent, capable and does not need Y today.  To X, Y may be just a helpless soul.   But who knows if there comes a day when X needs Y?  Therefore, does it justify X taking Y for granted now?

TTD - Tolerance, Tact, Diplomacy 
TTD is my basic principle of survivorship with extended family.  TTD surely keeps you harmonious with everyone at home, but it leaves you stressed and taken for granted at times.  Within a very short time, I realised that it takes much more than TTD in order to be happy.

Traditions from the imperial days
Many people opine that inter-racial marriages are more challenging than marriages between the same race.  It's partly true, but even marriage between the same race is just as challenging in the case where both are brought up under different cultures.

Let's divulge into the filial piety concept traditionally-practised by the Chinese from ancient times. Generally, parents are deemed to be the head of the family no matter how old or powerful the children have become.  For instance, the Dowager-Empress during the Chinese imperial days held more powers than the Emperor to the extent that a Dowager-Empress was even empowered to spank the Emperor (in private of course!) for disobedience towards her.

The Chinese today have generally evolved into variety of cultures, depending on the type of education received, location, and their own preference.

Neither this nor that
I am brought up under a little of everything.  Both my parents went to English schools, and they're therefore a little of both.  Not extremely Chinese and not extremely westernised either, but a hybrid from the Gen-X.

Anyway, suffices that we know each others' differences, the challenges involved in making sense and integrating the differences, and my efforts not to win over my child... but instead to enable him enough opportunity to experience a mother's love. 

Conclusion
Having said that, it doesn't follow that I want to be possessive or anything of that sort.  Instead, if blessed with the opportunity to be in the shoes of an elderly mother, I will not want to be involved in my children's family affairs unless sought to give advice, not by one party but both. I'm sure that if you're old enough to have a baby, you should be independent enough to be able to take care of your affairs.  Otherwise, don't bother having any.  

Chinese or western?  I don't think one is superior/inferior to the other.  We need to choose wisely between the two, pick only the good points from each culture to emulate, and leave behind the practices that are already redundant today.   

Just my 2 cents...