I appreciate people's help. But I complaint when I am taken for granted or when people don't think that I am capable of caring for a child and hence no need to let me know anything about their plans. No matter how well-intended an act is, executing something involving my child without my knowledge is a clear hint that I am not important at all.
In reality
In life, no one can tell what's going to happen next. Let's look at the hypothetical example of X and Y. X may be perfectly independent, capable and does not need Y today. To X, Y may be just a helpless soul. But who knows if there comes a day when X needs Y? Therefore, does it justify X taking Y for granted now?
TTD - Tolerance, Tact, Diplomacy
TTD is my basic principle of survivorship with extended family. TTD surely keeps you harmonious with everyone at home, but it leaves you stressed and taken for granted at times. Within a very short time, I realised that it takes much more than TTD in order to be happy.
Traditions from the imperial days
Many people opine that inter-racial marriages are more challenging than marriages between the same race. It's partly true, but even marriage between the same race is just as challenging in the case where both are brought up under different cultures.
Let's divulge into the filial piety concept traditionally-practised by the Chinese from ancient times. Generally, parents are deemed to be the head of the family no matter how old or powerful the children have become. For instance, the Dowager-Empress during the Chinese imperial days held more powers than the Emperor to the extent that a Dowager-Empress was even empowered to spank the Emperor (in private of course!) for disobedience towards her.
The Chinese today have generally evolved into variety of cultures, depending on the type of education received, location, and their own preference.
Neither this nor that
I am brought up under a little of everything. Both my parents went to English schools, and they're therefore a little of both. Not extremely Chinese and not extremely westernised either, but a hybrid from the Gen-X.
Anyway, suffices that we know each others' differences, the challenges involved in making sense and integrating the differences, and my efforts not to win over my child... but instead to enable him enough opportunity to experience a mother's love.
Conclusion
Having said that, it doesn't follow that I want to be possessive or anything of that sort. Instead, if blessed with the opportunity to be in the shoes of an elderly mother, I will not want to be involved in my children's family affairs unless sought to give advice, not by one party but both. I'm sure that if you're old enough to have a baby, you should be independent enough to be able to take care of your affairs. Otherwise, don't bother having any.
Chinese or western? I don't think one is superior/inferior to the other. We need to choose wisely between the two, pick only the good points from each culture to emulate, and leave behind the practices that are already redundant today.
Just my 2 cents...
