An Eye-Opening Dream and My Mom

“Dreams are dreams”, and hence I normally don’t take them seriously apart from being dreams.

However, the dream last night was somewhat thought-provoking as upon getting up, I wondered if the dream were to occur in real life will I react “the way I did in my dream”?

Scene 1: The Dream

It was a sunny afternoon in the serene neighbour of Ipoh called Batu Gajah where my mom used to work for many years.  My tiny family and I happened to be there and we were hungry, so we dropped by the restaurant located downstairs of the clothing stockist’s office where my mom used to go at least once a week to get her stocks for her customers. 

The stockist, let’s call her A, is a very friendly lady who’s like a friend to my mom – they used to travel to a few nearby states like Penang and KL together for business-related events (I have joined them to Penang once) and they used to chat a lot about their personal lives, children and so on. 

I’ve been to this restaurant more than 10 years ago, and it is operated by A’s brother, let’s call him K.  In short, it’s a family business upstairs and downstairs of the shophouse.

As K was away, A manned the cash counter.  As she was calculating the total, she glanced at me with an aura of déjà vu, her eyes as if telling “I have a strong feeling I used to see you frequently many years ago, but I’m unable to immediately recall who are you”.

Scene 2: The Flight Mode 

“Thirty-five ringgit in total”, I gave her RM50, but she’s short of RM5 for change.  Feeling uneasy and fearing she’ll soon remember me and ask me about my mom’s whereabouts as my mom suddenly disappeared from the scene in May 2011, I had an urge to move away quickly.  So, I said “it’s alright, that RM5 is my drink treat for you” and left.

Scene 3: What will I do if this really occurs?

From “my reaction” in the dream, I start to question what’s beneath my subconscious mind.  Given the same thing in reality, will I pretend to be someone else as what I did in the dream, or will I say “Hi aunty A, how are you? I am Sek Lai Kuin’s daughter… do you remember me” and then tell A that I’m so sorry for being unable to inform her earlier about my mom because I didn't have her contact number?

Scene 4: Possible theories behind the dream

It’s been almost 6 years down the line, yet some of my mom’s business acquaintances have not been informed about her demise.  I had access to her phone diary later on, but I haven’t got the determination to contact the list of all persons one-by-one.  

Arguably, I am not strongly-obliged to contact everyone whom she knew on a business basis (as opposed to her personal friends and long-time colleagues).  But a pinch of guilt continued to haunt me when her business acquaintances e.g. the clothing line stockist whom she used to get catalogues and stocks from, the skincare salesperson at Parkson whom my mom used to buy her products from, and her loyal customers of discounted formula milk continued to call her mobile during the days when I retained her SIM card and phone.  And I would end up either not picking up the calls, or at most merely informed her customers that she’s no longer selling clothes and formula milk, but without disclosing the actual reason for fear of receiving various reactions from them.  What???

Once, my mom’s former long-time colleague (Aunty S) called my number.  While I’m generally silent about personal happenings on social media, the power of social media is nevertheless tremendous as third party postings served as powerful medium of information. I knew this colleague of my mom in person since I was very young, likewise her daughter who is my long-time friend-cum-classmate, so I picked up the call and confirmed that indeed, the news is true.

Another former colleague of my mom (Kak Y) whom my mom used to work with prior to her retirement soon called – I know her too, so I picked up the call and strangely felt guilty when the call was filled with sobs.  Aww, I didn’t know what to do so I tried to comfort Kak Y although most would expect vice versa. 

Thus, I suspect that’s how the “fear” of explaining about my mom’s whereabouts came from.  Worse, the longer it is, the guiltier I will feel if I suddenly bump into her acquaintances or uninformed friends, if we've missed anyone earlier.   

Scene 5: Silver lining despite the odds

From the day of my mom’s departure until today, I have not dropped any tear for that although I do miss the person who had lent her womb for me to stay in for almost 9 months.

In any event, I fully accept that this is life’s cycle.  When things happen, there’s a reason for it although the answers may not come quickly.  Perhaps when I'm free one day, I'll write more about my mom for the sake of re-living and sharing some memories of her.

Looking from a more positive side, she’s seen her children grown up and gone into the work force although she didn’t get to see her grandchildren.  My mom need not worry about my dad as although my dad is not able to be 100% independent at this age (in his 70s now), he’s still in generally good health, thankfully, and surrounded by kind family members and folks when he needs help – fingers-crossed.

Scene 6: The prudent way to do it

Back to the dream and if it were to occur, applying prudence and logic, I shall not act the way I did like in the dream.  Be my usual self, greet them if I bump into anyone of them, and explain to them if they ask. 

The Good Old Days

Many things came flashing across my mind throughout the past 4 days where I spent 80% of the time on bed. The past, the present as well as the vague future. Call the future vague because there's no way of seeing it.

Among the things that had played in my mind were the good old days. Thinking of the past doesn't bring any benefit, but it surely makes me think about the things that my future child will never be able to experience. One of the most disheartening things is that, my future child will never get to physically know its maternal grandmother. Anyway, what's the point of divulging into this when my child has not even been safely born to the world yet?

Bad nostalgia apart, but out of fond memories of the good old days, lets explore some of the moments that used to be part of my life...

1. The scenary

One of the most beautiful sights in Ipoh is the "Sam Poh Tong" cave temple. Here's a building at Sam Poh Tong that resembles what's commonly found in China. The pond and rock garden are simply splendid.

2. Mid-autumn festival at home

Gone now are the days when I used to be able to celebrate the mid-autumn festival yearly at home. My mother and I loved the light up paper lanterns and put them up outside the house.

Our final mid-autumn festival together in 2010

3. So near and yet so far

This is one of my mother's workplaces... the "Klinik Desa Bemban" in Batu Gajah. A place where the local expectant mothers get their antenatal check-ups and babies get vaccinated for free. Indeed, my "kad merah" from Klinik Kesihatan Seri Kembangan reminds me of my mom's work!

Mom's former workplace, post-renovation.

4. The Kellie's Castle, a place of attraction in Batu Gajah.

Located between Batu Gajah and Gopeng, this place attracts many visitors during the holidays. Also a popular spot for pre-wedding photography.

View from the rooftop of Kellie's Castle. Limestone hills are synonymous with Ipoh and its surrounding towns.

5. Going home

A train ride of going back to Ipoh is incomplete without a countryside scene such as this:

An invigorating view of a vegetable farm away from the city

6. Plants at home

One of things I liked being at home were the sight of plants.

My mom's garden of greenery. I wish I'm able to revive something similar in the future so that my future child (if I indeed have one) will learn to appreciate the beauty of plants instead of concretes.

The blooming bougainvilleas outside my former neighbour's home...

Ixora that used to surround the side of my former home:

This all-leaves plant consists of very fine leaves and branches. It needs a lot of water and shade to sustain itself.

Sadly, I was unable to bring it along with my due to unavoidable circumstances when I was forced to shift from my former home.

7. Some typical dinner of a single-girl who's away from home

There's nothing special nor bad in what I used to have when I was away from home. But now that I haven't had outside food such as these for a long time, I think I'm beginning to miss them. Ironically so.

Rice with eggplant, minced meat and "bird's eye chili" from the “大炒”

Rice and curries... my favourite in times when I crave for spices

There are more than these, but then I usually don't take picture of all the meals I consume. :P

8. The backyard

I used to enjoy watching pigeons in the noons after lunch. One of my neighbours from the street behind my former home keeps pigeons. Some Chinese believe that pigeons bring good fortunes. And my fortunes lies in..............?

9. The Last Supper

This isn't exactly supper, but should more precisely be described as the last meal that I enjoyed with peace on the night before things suddenly happened akin to a crash of rollercoaster.

A bento takeaway from Jusco:

The stress of seeing life draining away from a person so dear was intensely high. I was stressed mostly by shock, not so much by sadness due to the personal notion that when the time comes for one to go, one has no choice but to let go. Nevertheless, having said that, it doesn't mean that sadness was absent just because I didn't cry.

10. Farewell my home, from the bottom of my heart

As an informal farewell to Ipoh, my brother and I managed to go to a few places and ate what's locally-famous while on our way back from running various errands.

The Ipoh Padang, facing my dad's alma mater, St Michael's Institution

After regaining some appetite, we managed to try these savory egg tarts at Nam Heong located on Jalan Bijeh Timah for the first and last time.

The original White Coffee at Nam Heong

Conclusion

Will what's supposedly gone, ever come back to life?

KTM ETS Spotted

Voila... On my way to Ipoh recently, I spotted a few sets of new KTM ETS while bypassing KTM Workshop in Batu Gajah. The train that I was travelling in was on the move while I took these photos, so they're not as clear as I've intended them to be:

Long & cool!

New train sets at the workshop

KTM had earlier stated that these new trains will come into service for "KL-Ipoh" & "Ipoh-KL" in April 2010. However, a few weeks back, it said "June 2010". I really wonder. In any event, trips from KL - Ipoh and vice versa should be interesting once these trains come into service. :) However, I have a feeling that it won't be so soon.... typical :(

Nostalgic Batu Gajah

Batu Gajah, or simply known as BG is my adopted hometown, besides my real hometown in Ipoh. During my latest trip back to Ipoh, I was glad to have the opportunity of stopping by at Batu Gajah, which is about 20 minutes away from my home in Ipoh.

One of most exciting things of all was the long walk from Jalan Dewangsa to Changkat. It brought back the sweet memories of the days when I was at St Bernadette's Convent.

Below are a few random phone-captured photos during my stroll up the slope of Changkat from the town center:

1) The town playground:


I used to go to this playground a few times in a year when I was in pre-school. I used to go there together with my brother, being looked after by my babysitter while my mom went to work.
2) The old Court House in Changkat:
This building used to house the Magistrate's Court of Batu Gajah until the new court building was completed about a decade ago. It's obvious from the architecture that this building was built during the British colonial times. If I'm not mistaken, this old Court House building accomodates the land office now.
3) St. Joseph's Catholic Church
The church looks pretty far away from where I stood to take this picture with my humble Sony Ericsson S302.
What's sentimental about St. Joseph is that it formerly had a pre-school, in which I was one of the pupils.
Not as if I've attended many different schools though. But I notice that all the schools that I've attended consist of Catholic schools. I suspect that this is possibly attributed to the fact that my dad is educated in a Catholic school (St Michael's Institution - SMI), and thus, he's prone to sending his beloved kid to similar type of school. Maybe because (now formerly) missionary-run schools are mostly old and pretty well-known?
Conclusion
It's been many years ago since I formally bidded farewell to BG. However, I was there for a few times in between.  Meeting my friends on a few occasions, and going there with my mom for her business one a few other occasions.