Oh My Goodness Gracious

As ordinary human beings, there will certainly be new lessons to be learnt everyday.  Sometimes, it's to improve ourselves, sometimes it's because we have committed mistakes in the past.  But whatever it is, perfection is not something realistic in real life, no matter how perfect we want to be.

Hi-hi, smile-smile, then oh no!

Something just occurred to me this afternoon as I entered my workplace after taking a short meal break outside.  To many, this may be very minor, but to some, it may not be.  

I can only imagine one thing though: If I can get so significantly affected to the extend of having to pen down my feelings somewhere in order to break away from the resulting guilt, the other person may probably have negative impression about me too.  

What a great way to bring myself closer to self-destruction, for the person concerned is none other than someone whom I respect both professionally and personally for her wisdom and leadership qualities, yet still appearing motherly . 

Blame no one but myself... and a little about the past 

If I were to play the blame game, I will surely put it upon "I'm sleep-walking and thus the blur-blur reaction".  While it's true that I did not manage to catch sufficient sleep last night due to multiple reasons, including that all of us - Alvin, Aaron and I, are infected by some unknown bug that gave us a fever for the past few days, while the husband recovered a few days ago (geez.... again, not long after mycoplasma!), still, that's not a logical reason for not acting like my usual self when it comes to someone of respect and seniority.

Ok lah, let's look from the brighter side... at least I still went to work although not on tip-top condition, contrary to what someone from my past must be thinking that I (or many others) would do. Speaking of the one who used to marah-marah but later became a motivating factor behind the realisation that I've got to improve in relation to certain aspects.

Ouch to that mistake!

Back to the story today, I came across the person when I was about to open the door to enter my work place. We nodded, smiled and exchanged "Hi" to each other.  That was alright.

The only thing I did wrong, in my own view, was that, upon entering the intended space, I forgot (yes, literally forgotten!) to keep the door opened for a little longer until after she had walked out.  While the door didn't close, she ended up having to hold the door a little after that.

Gosh, I don't know why, but this is so not-me, for under the same circumstances, I used to tahan the door from closing for everyone regardless of position and age... and how could I fail to do what I normally do and this happened to be someone very senior?

Of course I do not know whether the person concerned will feel offended with my unusual act this afternoon, but deep inside, I pray that she will forgive me, or not think of anything bad because it's unintentional.  I'm kind of ambivalent about what to do - but I am unsure if apologising to the person concerned is even a good idea, because for all I know, I may be just over-sensitive and people don't even realise or bother about its significance!

Conclusion

From now onward, I must keep tab of myself at all times.  Be alert and never go around as if I'm sleepwalking.   For you'll never know when nightmare turns real by just a few seconds of slack, oh that may not be forgivable anymore.  Take a conscious effort to learn from past mistakes.

Lastly, just in case if I were to come across something similar but in a vice-versa capacity in the future, I must always remind myself that I've done this myself... just bersangka baik and not think of the other party as being impolite or anything equivalent to that... because:

I love this phrase.....

Credit: Not known, but it's circulated over the social media networks

The New Year Post: Lessons from the Past, My Simple Chinese New Year, and the Brothers

Without much hype, I left the job that I've been doing for more than 6 years.  Six years can be considered a quite a long time nowadays, but of course not in the context of my parents' work lives where loyalty service of more than 20 years was a norm.

New year, new job - My resolution, theoretically-speaking

A change of job does not necessarily have to stem from negative reasons, although boredom may fall under the negative category.  Between getting comfortable and continuous professional challenge, it's crucial for both to be balanced.

Today marks my second week of work at a new place away from KL.  It's a mixture of familiarity as well as strange feelings. A long way lies ahead for me to learn before I can call it "mission accomplished".

My mission is very simple, yet not necessarily easy to attain - I would like to be better-rounded; not just being a parent to A & A, but at the same time, a balance between work and personal commitments equally.  Also to always try not to let personal challenges, if any, distract me from delivering.

Being an ordinary person means my life comprises ups and downs, and hence some moments of imperfection, although they're only minor ones, thankfully.  The 5 months of being away from work in 2014 due to a long stay at HUKM (a case of cervical incompetence and thus a high risk of recurrent premature delivery if not careful), and maternity leave thereafter, came at a cost as I seemed a little lost upon my return to work after that.

The awaited moment when someone opens his mouth
Alvin is coming to 4 years old this May.  One of the biggest gifts of the early months of 2016 that I am most grateful for is to hear Alvin talk meaningfully for the first time at the age of 3+.  We used to worry a lot about this issue - despite having normal hearing, he was still not verbal as at December 2015.

Although his pronunciation isn't 100% perfect, at least it provides answer our anxiety as to whether he will talk or not one day.  He speaks mostly Mandarin, with a mixture of English.

I don't know if it's speech therapy or pre-school that made Alvin open his mouth to talk, maybe it's a combination of both.

However, also as in the case of me, Alvin has a long way ahead for improvements, although for different aspects. Certain parts of his behaviour still needs improvement - he has a highly fiery temper (not appropriate for his age!) when his wishes aren't fulfilled.  For instance, his unfulfilled requests for not-so-good stuff such as tidbits, which severely affects his appetite for proper meals.

From where did he learn about the yummy taste of tidbits, I do not know as I don't take/buy snacks. Maybe it's through sampling the food of others, which in reality is not anyone's fault, because folks normally mean well when they offer tidbits to young children.

The only prudent thing to do is to make Alvin realise what's good and what's not as he grows up, which is easier said than done.

The brother
As for Alvin's brother, Aaron, he's small and may be mistaken for a 1 year plus baby when in fact he's a toddler closer to 2 years, unless you see his mouthful of huge teeth. Poor Aaron frequently get pushed or knocked head-to-head by Alvin when they fight, which is not unusual due to their close age gap.  How to make Alvin understand "sayang adik"?  Aaron enjoys climbing, eating, playing with blocks and flipping through photo albums - a different personality from his brother although they look similar.

The Chinese New Year
As I am still new in my present employment, I am not allocated with annual leave this month. No problem, I'm ok with that.

I celebrated the new year modestly at home in Seri Kembangan.  I've been away from home long enough, hence homesickness is no longer an issue although at all times, I still regard the various authentic food of Ipoh (my place of birth) and Taiping (my mother's hometown) as the best.

Unlike the previous years, I did not get to go back to Ipoh to visit my relatives due to limited time factor this new year. Maybe I will go there some other days when I have the chance to do so.

Conclusion
There are still many rooms for self-improvement, and that will be my biggest challenge this year.
Any shortcoming committed once or twice may be forgiven, be will surely become my nightmare if they persist - you will know what I mean without further elaboration here!

   

Of Comfort Zone and Change

More than 6 years down the line, comfort had obviously crept in.  Same thing, same place, and same capacity.  And thus comes the questions, "What's next?".

I have 2 options:
(1) To remain in my comfort zone; or
(2) To abandon my present comfort and shake myself up to do something more challenging.

The blessing in disguise
I was initially doubtful if I could find anything out there, if I were to believe what was remarked to by someone who was kind of insinuating that I was getting too comfortable and going nowhere.

However, looking back, but for the hint, I wouldn't have thought of looking around for something supposedly a level above than the present.

For good or otherwise?
Since I have not come to the actual stage itself yet, the time now will be too early for me to tell if the pasture outside is indeed greener or otherwise.  But those in-the-know, including a few peers who secretly know it, have been very supportive of the idea.

So, with a heavy heart, I challenge myself to get out of my personal comfort:
(1) Despite the move from permanent employment to contractual employment, although the latter may possibly turn permanent...
(2) Despite leaving behind a beautiful place that's akin to my second home and good colleagues...
(3) Despite moving from where I'm familiar with, to somewhere I am highly unfamiliar with and will surely lose my way if not for the road signs... the only advantage is that the latter place is slightly nearer to my home...
(4) Despite leaving behind the same thing that I've done again and again, then less and less after > 6 years...
(5) The new role and responsibilities will be heavier than the present one...
(6) Last but not least, it will be an uphill task, at least in the beginning, to turn what I do on a once yearly basis into part of my core duty.

Credit: Classic FM

Right now, I am still figuring out how to finish up as many existing tasks as possible, then do the necessary.  Is it possible to leave without leaving behind a pile of trash?

Year of the Goat. Happy New Year.

Today is the last day of the Chinese New Year celebration, popularly known as chap goh meh which stands for 15th night in Hokkien.  Happy New Year of the Goat...

(1) What lies ahead for the festive season
Prior to the long break as CNY fell on a Thursday and Friday this year, among the FAQs received were "When will you be on leave?", "Only 2 days, such a short break, is that enough?", "Where's your hometown and when are you going back?", etc.

(a) Flashback to a year ago...
As any other ordinary person, I can only plan.  But what ultimately transpires is sometimes beyond contemplation.  Last year for instance, it was totally outside my imagination that I was to spend most of the CNY "celebration" at HUKM.  Ended up spending my entire third trimester at ward 2B for 2 months, which felt a lot like living in a dormitory, with shared bathrooms, makan ramai-ramai, the purple uniform, and a fixed daily routine.

Anyway, despite the dread and boredom at first, it was overall a pleasant experience after getting to know some new friends.   Lots of time to rest and sleep, but couldn't help missing the little guy at home.  While others enjoy yee sang and an array of festive dishes out there, I was only confined to bland hospital food.

It was the 9th day of CNY when threatened preterm labour occured (also at 29 weeks) and I was transferred to the HDU for tocolysis before undergoing the emergency cerclage.  Thankfully everything turned out well and Ken-ken did not come out during the CNY period.  "Be patient baby... the angpows can wait until next year..." I thought. 

(b) Cuti-cuti New Year
I only took a day off on CNY eve and another a day off post-CNY weekend.  After skipping Ipoh last year, we went there on the 3rd day this year to the home of my cousins+aunts in Bercham.

Scene along the PLUS highway.  

(This is an old picture taken a few years earlier... not during the recent trip)

Alvin was in a rebellious mood.  The rebellion was probably further aggravated by a previously-unknown fact that he's car sick, as he had never puked in car prior to this.  Puking can be traumatising to a young child, and worse when it occurs in a strange place.

Speaking of Alvin and some of his behavorial/sensory issues...  It's NOT TRUE that Alvin's rebellion is due to seldom going out, as what a few concerned relatives said to my parents-in-laws.  He was seldom exposed to crowds before he turned one due to low immunity as a very preterm baby... but after that, he started going out, unless he's having flu or something like that.  I swear that he had been to more places than me at the age of 1+ compared to when I was 5 (i.e. visits to local attractions, not overseas). But then this is my fear... how to bring him to people's house without his  resistence?  Tak bawak kang unfair to him...

Maybe this is related to prematurity as very preterm babies are born with immature brains.  Or maybe it's not.  If by God's will, things works out successfully, I shall try to share them here for the benefit of those under the same shoe.   Issues may not end upon discharge from the NICU, no matter how positive things appear to be at first.  The longer your baby stays inside your womb, the better it is... even by a week.  I don't know whether to be happy or otherwise, but I have probably been chosen to walk a path that differs from the majority... and parenting an ex-prem baby may or may not be the same as for other children.

Despite being a brief, simple and impromptu one, the one-day trip to Ipoh was memorable indeed.  From meeting up with family members whom I've not seen for a long time to passing through places that was once a part of me, I cherished them a lot despite already not feeling well a few days earlier... oh my sorethroat!

(2) The voiceless CNY
On 1st day of CNY, swallowing felt painful to me.  Body temperature was up at 38 deg C by evening.  All clinics around my place, including non-Chinese doctors, were closed for public holiday.  The only safe home remedy available?  PCM and Difflam lozenges.  Tahanlah dulu....

The same thing persisted on the following few days, coupled with cough later on.  I lost my voice completely on Sunday (Day 4), a day after the visit to Ipoh.

On Day 5, when the panel clinic resumed operation, I went to see my regular dr.  I had no voice at all, thus wrote everything on a piece of paper and showed it to the dr.  Fever was still on after so many days... although just very mild.  A medical leave of 2 days after the CNY break was a lil against conscience, as if taking advantage to sambung cuti.  But, commit no fault and hence fear nothing...

Remaining silent, especially when in front of the kids was very odd esp when they are too young to understand why you're suddenly all-quiet with them.  Then they'd frown in front of you, as if wondering why, when they hear your strange voice.

(3) Conclusion
Today, on the 15th day of CNY, my voice still has not fully-recovered although improvement is starting to be more visible now.   :p

Fortunately the voice came back early this week or else I might have to miss the sponsored CNY luncheon again at my workplace.   It's very thoughtful of the management to organise such an event for its (minority) Chinese employees, so how could I have the heart to skip it... unless I genuinely couldn't be present, as in last year?

Yes We Can

Below is an excerpt of a CNN article on the eulogy by the sister of the late Steve Job, Mona Simpson...



One of the parts that had struck me most is "He was hurt but he still went to work ... Every single day".

In attempt to take an inspiration from this, well... People are free to judge us in whatever way they like. But as long as we have a clear conscience, determination, and enough patience, we should be able to challenge ourselves to prove our critics wrong one day.

We know ourselves best and thus shouldn't be defeated by negative remarks about us. Success lies in not one, but many aspects of life that are akin to the formation of a thousand pieces of jigsaw-puzzle.

Easier said than done, but not impossible!

Where to Begin?

Part of my job requires writing, but I think that I'm only doing mediocre so far. I enjoy writing nonsense, but deep inside I realise that I should channel my time for more productive activities such as contributing articles to the division newsletter of my workplace.

I am excited to write and contribute. I felt somewhat honoured when my boss told me to try working on my own article. "What's the big deal?", one may ask. Even I asked that to myself. But to a novice who has never prepared any serious write-up, it is big.

Excited, yes... but feeling insecure too. I may have a flair for writing craps, but I'm not sure about preparing write-ups with substance.

Give me an idea as to what topic to ramble on, and I'll start right away. But the truth with regard to working life is such that we have to be independent. "Work life" is an entirely distinct galaxy altogether, unlike "student life" where the latter (in our country) is frequently filled with spoon-feeding. The reality seems sad, but this is the local reality today.

As of now, I have yet to gather a clue as to what to write. My instinct tells me that I'll do fine, but I'm sure there'll be a long way for improvement before I can finally succeed in having my own article given any green light. I may even have to face lots of scolding for producing "crap", LOL.

Fear not, I'm prepared to face the music regardless of the outcome of my "article". I only pray that I come up with a real article as opposed to another piece of trash.... just like this note of mine on my blog now.

In the meantime, I'll go ask the one who has lots to say about current affairs, including the law, for fresh ideas. Wish me luck. :)

My Induction Programme in a Nutshell, etc

I had recently attended a work-related induction programme at Felda Residence Trolak (FRT) in Sungkai. It's a compulsory 1-week programme for all new staff of the organisation. I wish I have pictures to share here, but I haven't got any yet from the facilitators at the moment.

The things that we went through, in a nutshell:

1. Early Morning

Physical exercises and jogging started as early as 6.45 am every morning. Went up and downhill the compound of FRT. I felt extremely heavy to get up early when in fact we're only allowed to go to bed from 1 am onwards (5 hours of daily sleep for 6 days).

However, I realised the things that I've been missing for the past few years since I left school - vigorous physical activities. Nonetheless, with the teamwork and motivation gathered from each other, everyone managed to complete everything smoothly.

2. Briefing Sessions

Some of the sessions were fun, while I felt drowsy in a few other sessions. Insufficient sleep at night, so it's not unexpected and obviously not because the speakers were boring, but it's all because of my own exhaustion.

3. Outdoor Day

a) Low Rope & Flying Fox

It was my first time experience with Low Rope. It wasn't scary, but was exhausting. We had our activities in the recreational jungle nearby.

As for Flying Fox, this was my second time. So, I was better-prepared at this. The first was during a workplace-related activity at Klana Resort Seremban back in 2008.

b) Cooking the Old Way

We're only supplied with matches, some bamboos, rice, tapioca & salted fish. In an hour, each team was required to cook these things using limited resources by the riverside. In the end, all teams had their tapiocas & salted fish pretty well-cooked (surprise). But all had raw rice.

c) White Water Rafting
We had one session at Kampar River. To get there, we went past the area near Gua Tempurung and some hills. Since we're expected to get wet, 2 lorries were assigned to transport us, the participants. It felt nice to be on the lorry on the outside because it allows clear viewing of the countryside.

We went through Grades 1-3 of the river. Safety is of utmost importance; from proper safety attires (life jacket, helmet), to the proper technique of holding the paddle and what to do in case if the raft overturns. It's also important to fully listen to all instructions from the raft masters who are professionally-trained. Ours was conducted by Riverbug.

d) Paintball
I don't fancy paintball, even before I started to get into the compulsory game. And my worst nightmare turned into reality as soon as my eye got a mysterious shot and before I knew it, I felt paint being "injected" into my left eye on the sideways. It's mysterious because I was well attired with suitable and well-fitted helmet. It's okay to be shot, but it isn't okay to feel pain on the eye. So, I stopped.

I took a look at the mirror and asked my pals. There wasn't redness when it was painful. Already afraid, so I removed the contact lens on the left eye to see how it goes. Fortunately it was just a 1-day lens, which means it's ok to throw it away just like that. However, when the pain disappeared, came redness. A few others saw it and told me. Seriously concerned, I spoke to the facilitators.

This is something that I didn't tell anyone at home though. Later that night when everyone's supposed to go for a blind-folded jungle walk, I stayed back. Instead of participating, I had to forgo it because I had to get medical attention. A staff from Felda drove me to the nearest hospital, which is Slim River Hospital for help.

Over there, the waiting time wasn't long because there weren't many patients. As opposed to the emergency units of any G.H. The MO checked on my eye, told me that it's nothing serious, and gave a prescription. At least I know it isn't an internal injury, or else the redness surely will be accompanied by great pain.  Thankfully...

What was next:

Fortunately, the redness went down partially after a night's sleep. After applying the prescribed eyedrop, the redness reduced significantly and became almost invisible in 1 day. However, if I were to take a close look at my left eye, I could see a few fine capillaries. But things looked much-improved.

But I remain afraid to wear my contacts. Having said that, I didn't wear glasses either, because I didn't bring them with me (yeah right, so confident that I won't injure/irritate my eyes.  I forgot). So, I lived by what I could see and was glad that I managed to get my way through everything. A colleague tried waving at me from a distance and had asked if I could see him. I could...not his face, but I could recognise his tall and built figure. It's okay anyway, because I'm not severely myopic and can more or less make do temporarily without glasses or contacts. Let's not divulge any deeper about this and my vanity, which are different matters altogether.

Speaking of which,

Digressing to another point, I've always end up with urges to cut my hair short whenever I'm back from similar events. Perhaps, by going for such activities, I had pictures taken of myself and could therefore have a better view of myself. Gosh, I always feel that while long hair makes most girls look sexier, it makes me look older and... tired. Maybe because I don't know how to care for long hair and letting it free pushes up my age, appearance-wise. Especially when the fringe has grown long, since I need a little fringe to suit my feature (from advice).

Back to my usual place now and browsing through a few recent photos, I'm seriously thinking of getting a haircut now. "Sayang" to cut what I've grown for the past few months, but my "ai sui"-ness keeps me wondering whether I should go for a difference rather than keeping up with flatness. Plus, long hair tend to break more easily and have dry ends.

Go for a dry cut after working hours (dry cut, because it's only what I can afford)!

Weekend & Monday Diary Entry

Work and such
The weekend went past very quickly and it's Monday. Today is generally pleasant, except for that I was a little tired in the morning due to disrupted sleep.

As expected, I was given my first case for review today. It's pretty straightforward and I know what I want to do. Only thing left is how to express what I want and to get supporting authorities.

It's public holiday in Selangor (and a few other states, except KL), so the surrounding was as calm as a Sunday. Traffic was smooth, so good that what normally takes more than 30 minutes under stressful driving condition, only took 10 minutes today. Just once in a blue moon.

On Sunday
I watched "Final Destination" at GSC Times Square.   The GSC at Times Sq is never as packed as those at One Utama or Mid Valley. Final Destination is a movie packed with bloody scenes, with human bodies blown off just like that - worse than being slaughtered.  My only advice to share here is NOT to have a heavy meal before watching this movie, and better not to bring in any food while watching it. The scenes are enough to fill up the tummy.

Cosplay
Earlier, Ming told me about the Malaysia Ani-com Cosplay Competition 2009 at Sg Wang on Sunday. We're supposed to go there together with his sister (who's a fan of animes like him), but later there was a change in plan.

I'm not a fan-girl. So it's not for me to comment because I'm not into cosplays (how do I know who is good and who isn't?). Next Sunday will involve singing for this Cosplay competition.

On Saturday
I watched "Up". It's one of the best animated show this year! I love it. :p

Diary Entry: Doing What

Taking a bus once in a while seems like a luxury! No need to battle (i.e. drive) through stressful street conditions to get to LRT station today.

Those days, I used to dread taking the feeder bus. Neither because of discomfort nor meeting up with my dear busmate, but it's the inconsistent schedule that upset me. If the bus had been more efficient, I wouldn't have bothered looking at car.

The main outcome of such inconsistency was arriving later than required at work. Not that I wasn't late today when I took the bus and didn't drive. Autumn leaves are falling down anyway, so it's perfectly ok if I'm late today, which is only once in a blue moon.

Reason for not using "my" car today is because I'm travelling today. Yes, I am... this evening. Though not going anywhere new, still, I'm delighted that I'm having a few days off. And if everything goes well, I shall travel a little further weeks later. Not anywhere far, but somewhere so near and yet so far. It's domestic travel (I'm taking KTM... I booked 1st class for greater comfort - 6 hours journey. Reason being, I've worked hard (arguably so, it's subjective), and saved enough, so it's ok to self-treat a little now).

Many friends have asked whether I drive my car outside the city. Well, seldom. So far, only to Ipoh once, Melaka once, and Putrajaya once. But I've always felt it to be a challenge to drive a small k-car on the highway. The car feels very lightweight and 'floaty', esp when coming across huge vehicles around or the speed goes above 100 km/h. So, I have decided to sit back and relax in a train than to drive. Btw, train is much more comfortable compared to bus.

I got some extra sleep from yesterday night. Confession of the day - I woke up a 7 am today. This is how I missed the 7 am bus, but still fortunate enough to come across the 7.40 bus when I didn't expect to see the bus around. As usual, the LRT is more packed than ever, since it's 8.05 when I arrived there. More people rushing to work at that time.

Work-wise, I'm beginning to get more work. However, they came a little too late when I'm in the midst of phasing out. Goodbye my dear colleagues...

Farewell

In the midst of grieving that I've probably failed in something for the 1st time ever coz I've not heard any news for a long time, I was amazed and surprised by a little twist in event. I got it! I got it!

Excitement laced with a punch of sadness. This is where I've been for the past 2 years. From this, I managed to support myself and a few of my personal items. This is where I met some folks who've impacted my life.

But I musn't hesitate to change when I'm required to. I know that. When something (or even someone) no longer "loves" (not necessarily in the literal sense) you enough to have any future, it's time to leave. It's a difficult and painful decision to make, but it's all part of the game, also in name of life.

With a heavy heart, I've made a decision. Moving forward to where I'm allowed to be what, and who I am.

I'm not being ingrate when I made this hardcore decision. In fact, it's my conscience that moved me to decide this way.

Pray for the best...... goodbye darling.

Good or bad?

Coincidentally
I thought I won't hear anything from them again coz it's been more than 2 months since I went for i********. I was pleasantly surprised by the call. Just a call to confirm my personal details and I'm already excited. If I get means how will my respond be?

At least it's not 0% chance. Not that I'll get, since the call was merely to ask about my CGPA (which I don't have, because my qualification is classified according to 2nd lower, 2nd upper, etc).

I say "coincidentally" because each time I was approached and thought of talking to someone about joining that business, I'd get a little twist in event.

I wonder if...