An Eye-Opening Dream and My Mom

“Dreams are dreams”, and hence I normally don’t take them seriously apart from being dreams.

However, the dream last night was somewhat thought-provoking as upon getting up, I wondered if the dream were to occur in real life will I react “the way I did in my dream”?

Scene 1: The Dream

It was a sunny afternoon in the serene neighbour of Ipoh called Batu Gajah where my mom used to work for many years.  My tiny family and I happened to be there and we were hungry, so we dropped by the restaurant located downstairs of the clothing stockist’s office where my mom used to go at least once a week to get her stocks for her customers. 

The stockist, let’s call her A, is a very friendly lady who’s like a friend to my mom – they used to travel to a few nearby states like Penang and KL together for business-related events (I have joined them to Penang once) and they used to chat a lot about their personal lives, children and so on. 

I’ve been to this restaurant more than 10 years ago, and it is operated by A’s brother, let’s call him K.  In short, it’s a family business upstairs and downstairs of the shophouse.

As K was away, A manned the cash counter.  As she was calculating the total, she glanced at me with an aura of déjà vu, her eyes as if telling “I have a strong feeling I used to see you frequently many years ago, but I’m unable to immediately recall who are you”.

Scene 2: The Flight Mode 

“Thirty-five ringgit in total”, I gave her RM50, but she’s short of RM5 for change.  Feeling uneasy and fearing she’ll soon remember me and ask me about my mom’s whereabouts as my mom suddenly disappeared from the scene in May 2011, I had an urge to move away quickly.  So, I said “it’s alright, that RM5 is my drink treat for you” and left.

Scene 3: What will I do if this really occurs?

From “my reaction” in the dream, I start to question what’s beneath my subconscious mind.  Given the same thing in reality, will I pretend to be someone else as what I did in the dream, or will I say “Hi aunty A, how are you? I am Sek Lai Kuin’s daughter… do you remember me” and then tell A that I’m so sorry for being unable to inform her earlier about my mom because I didn't have her contact number?

Scene 4: Possible theories behind the dream

It’s been almost 6 years down the line, yet some of my mom’s business acquaintances have not been informed about her demise.  I had access to her phone diary later on, but I haven’t got the determination to contact the list of all persons one-by-one.  

Arguably, I am not strongly-obliged to contact everyone whom she knew on a business basis (as opposed to her personal friends and long-time colleagues).  But a pinch of guilt continued to haunt me when her business acquaintances e.g. the clothing line stockist whom she used to get catalogues and stocks from, the skincare salesperson at Parkson whom my mom used to buy her products from, and her loyal customers of discounted formula milk continued to call her mobile during the days when I retained her SIM card and phone.  And I would end up either not picking up the calls, or at most merely informed her customers that she’s no longer selling clothes and formula milk, but without disclosing the actual reason for fear of receiving various reactions from them.  What???

Once, my mom’s former long-time colleague (Aunty S) called my number.  While I’m generally silent about personal happenings on social media, the power of social media is nevertheless tremendous as third party postings served as powerful medium of information. I knew this colleague of my mom in person since I was very young, likewise her daughter who is my long-time friend-cum-classmate, so I picked up the call and confirmed that indeed, the news is true.

Another former colleague of my mom (Kak Y) whom my mom used to work with prior to her retirement soon called – I know her too, so I picked up the call and strangely felt guilty when the call was filled with sobs.  Aww, I didn’t know what to do so I tried to comfort Kak Y although most would expect vice versa. 

Thus, I suspect that’s how the “fear” of explaining about my mom’s whereabouts came from.  Worse, the longer it is, the guiltier I will feel if I suddenly bump into her acquaintances or uninformed friends, if we've missed anyone earlier.   

Scene 5: Silver lining despite the odds

From the day of my mom’s departure until today, I have not dropped any tear for that although I do miss the person who had lent her womb for me to stay in for almost 9 months.

In any event, I fully accept that this is life’s cycle.  When things happen, there’s a reason for it although the answers may not come quickly.  Perhaps when I'm free one day, I'll write more about my mom for the sake of re-living and sharing some memories of her.

Looking from a more positive side, she’s seen her children grown up and gone into the work force although she didn’t get to see her grandchildren.  My mom need not worry about my dad as although my dad is not able to be 100% independent at this age (in his 70s now), he’s still in generally good health, thankfully, and surrounded by kind family members and folks when he needs help – fingers-crossed.

Scene 6: The prudent way to do it

Back to the dream and if it were to occur, applying prudence and logic, I shall not act the way I did like in the dream.  Be my usual self, greet them if I bump into anyone of them, and explain to them if they ask. 

Public Transport in KL

Recently, I had the experience of taking a few public transports around certain areas of KL and Selangor after being away from taking any for a long time (with the exception of that train which I board).

A. To Ampang with Love...
Haha... speaking of the town where my "Ampang hero" was born.  A busy town with a thousand memories. 

There was one day when I had be in Ampang for a certain matter.  It's so long since I drove, because I've "sold" my car to my brother.  Therefore, I have to try to be as street-smart as possible (if at all I am...) by resorting to public transportation.

View along the five-foot-way, near the bus stop in front of Menara MPAJ

LRT to Ampang
The nearest LRT station to places such as Menara MPAJ and Hospital Ampang for instance, is the Cempaka station (Ampang Line, formerly known as STAR LRT).

Up-close with the bus from Cempaka station for play time with dear babe
From Cempaka, there are two RapidKL feeder buses that cover those places, as well as areas around the Selangor part of Ampang.  The bus fare is very low at just RM1 per ride, but they may not be very regular during non-peak hours.
 
However, please be prepared for the buses to be highly-packed during peak hours e.g. at 5.30 pm.  I have taken the bus twice in my life, both during my "confinement" period when I found myself missing Alvin so much... it's actually untypical of a new mom to be away from her newborn baby and thus, the untypical decision to go out during the day, without waiting for Alvin's dad to finish work to go to Hospital Ampang.

I used to go by excuses like "I'm running out of milk supply for Alvin, so I need to go there urgently".  I defied all confinement rules by carpooling with my brother to the city center (my brother drives my car to work), board the LRT, then the bus to Hospital Ampang.  My awaited moments?  Play-time with Alvin through the armholes of the incubator!  Anyway, those were the days when my kid and I were still away from each other before he's allowed to go home.

Cabs from Cempaka to around Ampang
There are also taxis operating from Cempaka.  During peak hours, the cabbies go by the "once full, then start moving" concept.  It simply means the cabbie will wait for his cab to be full (4 passengers) before moving.  They go by the meter system nonetheless, but I'm not sure how the bill is split.  In any event, it's much cheaper than one passenger booking the whole cab.

Bus from Ampang to KL
From my one time experience of waiting for a bus at around 9.30 am near the MPAJ bus stop to KL, I found the waiting period to be very long.  I did not sight a single feeder bus which goes to Cempaka.  Don't know if it has a connection to being a non-peak hour.   But after that one-time experience, I wouldn't recommend anyone to take the bus unless one is able to spare the time to wait.  The only bus I finally managed to get was a RapidKL intra-city bus which goes to Bukit Bintang (BB)... way out of my intended destination.  The bus took a long route from Ampang to Pandan Jaya, Taman Maluri Cheras, Pudu, and finally to BB. 

B. KL Monorail
Just in case if you notice how come all pictures come with portrait layout, that's because I tried to be as discreet as possible when I took those pictures with my phone. 

Back to the story, here's the latest looks of the the Imbi monorail station, some time in early April.  It's a pleasure to see fans and digital clock fixed around the platform so that passengers can line up in comfort and convenience.

Below is a snapshot of the ongoing renovation work to "add length" to the existing platform.  It's high time the monorails be upgraded from just 2 coaches to at least 4, considering the existing size of our monorails that does not tally with the high volume of passengers during peak hours, and also weekends when there are many folks going to places like Times Square, Low Yat, Sg Wang, etc. 

Inside the monorail, looks almost like any other ordinary tubes.   But if we were to look at the monorail from outside, it surely reminds us of a theme park.  It's miniature, very short and compact. 

C.  The hot route from the "KL Sentral Monorail Station" to KL Sentral
It's hot, indeed.

Contrary to the name "KL Sentral" given to the monorail station, the platforms and station are actually located outside and opposite the transportation hub called KL Sentral.  A project is currently in place to build a connecting bridge from KL Sentral to the "KL Sentral Monorail Station".

The bridge project aside, there is a host of construction work presently taking place in front of KL Sentral - shopping mall, office buildings.... and a hotel named Aloft was recently completed and officially-opened.

Due to ongoing construction work nearby, it has become quite a mess to walk from the monorail station to KL Sentral.  What used to be a direct and straight route has become a twisted one today.

Looking at the picture below, one can see how dark and perhaps suffocating the lower ground (LG) level of KL Sentral has become today.  The LG level which houses the RapidKL bus hub is dark and feels claustrophobic now.  From LG, one has to take the escalator or manual stairway up into the KL Sentral complex. 


This is what one sees when coming from across the road near Public Bank in Brickfields to KL Sentral...















D. Conclusion
It will be too early to comment on what the situation will be like once the construction projects attain completion.

Fingers-crossed, things should gradually improve so as to create more incentive for the people to take the public transport.  A little improvement is better than none, albeit slowly.  But shouldn't be too slow either... or else the objectives of having public transport will only be defeated.

In short, our existing public transport does generally bring us to many places that we intend to go, but the coverage is not as comprehensive as what would have been ideal.

Taking the public transport becomes challenging when trips get irregular due to reasons like traffic jam and the negative attitude of some (important note: some, not all) who are entrusted in operating, maintaining and improving the public transport system.

New Path Ahead

Here's a view that's breathtaking enough for one who's been under intense stress for the past few days, or weeks for that matter... and after not seeing the sun for 10 days.

One of the views from Ward 4A at Hospital Ampang

All day all night
A call from the hospital for me to stay in with my kid was a positive one indeed.  Deep inside, I also knew that it's the beginning of a changed lifestyle.

How does it feel to be in hospital for 10 days without any contact with the world out there?

The facilities at Hospital Ampang are generally good, but the lack of access to news and such soon made me lost track of the date, as well as how many days I've been there.  

At the Mothers' Room of the NICU, the lights were on all day and night with no room for darkness.  All of us there face various types of stress - worrying about our babies, adapting to taking care of babies by ourselves (for first timers), and so on.  The NICU is very cold.  I'm not fearful of cold temperature, yet this one was a challenge to me.

Bring your own cutleries!
The food at Hospital Ampang is generally ok, but mothers who check in to the Mothers' Room of the NICU are advised to bring along their own fork and spoon as none are provided there.  Cutleries are only provided for people in the wards, not NICU.  Also, it's advisable to bring along a small knife if you prefer to skin your apple or pear.

 Meal at NICU

Lunch at Ward 4A.  Nasi briyani... yum........

Everything first time
Indeed it was.  It's the first time I changed diapers, first time feeding a baby, and first time swaddling one.  I also didn't know how to burp a baby.  I had no idea how it's done until I observed it from the nurses and my fellow roommates.  So much of theoretical knowledge and yet zero experience in actual handling!

Among the challenges
...are feeding a baby using a syringe instead of bottle.  According to the doctor, it's to avoid nipple confusion among babies.  Not unexpected though, as Hospital Ampang is categorised as "Hospital Rakan Bayi" (or baby-friendly) that endorses breastfeeding.

When I first checked in, I was disappointed by my kid's poor appetite.  I'd have to wake him up every 3 hours for feeding (33 cc EBM+1/2 scope Carborie+0.6 cc MCT oil) or else there wouldn't be feeding at all.      And using a syringe is not exactly pleasant in motivating a baby to feed because a syringe is hard while a baby's natural instinct is to suckle on a soft surface.

There's a distinction between spitting up and vomiting, but in reality it's not really easy for a first timer to tell the difference in the beginning.  A vomiting-phobia person who'd do anything to prevent vomiting and also fearful of seeing others puke, I ended up wearing a thick face by frequently referring to the nurses and also doctors whenever I saw anything spilling out from my kid.

I didn't have much time to sleep.  Perhaps only 4 hours daily, if any.  I was working round-the-clock.  In short, you may say that I had a relaxing "confinement month" because I didn't need to care for a baby immediately after delivery, but the following month I had to do double the amount.

Anyway, a mother who's concerned about her child will not mind doing everything she can for her child.  After going through a long journey of challenges, I'm grateful for the opportunity, because to be called in to live with the baby means a progress is underway.

A few days later (I don't know how many days because I've lost track of the calender), I was told that my child and I would be out of the NICU to the ordinary ward for babies.  And thus we moved to Ward 4A, which is much more pleasant because it has a more relaxed environment, less cold, and more spacious.

I wish to continue, but.....

The Lactation Room at Ward 4A

Nothing beats what's natural, so mother's milk is always the best.  I used to have an abundant supply of milk until a sudden cessation when I checked in to 4A.  A typical single yield of 100ml suddenly dwindled to 20-40ml.

I don't know what went wrong.  I've highlighted it to the doctors, but things mysteriously didn't work out even though I went along with the advices.  My favourite question is "Why does my body always work against my kid?"

I'm a little disappointed by the fact that I'm now relying on premature formula >50% of the time.  The maximum I managed to provide my kid now is about 20 ml of EBM, and about 30 minutes of breastfeeding which seemed inadequate because my kid isn't satisfied with me due to my slow flow.  

So difficult to obtain
I had difficulties finding pharmacies that sell Carborie and MCT oil (MCT stands for medium chain triglyceride) to fortify my milk as advised by the dietician.  After calling up the pharmacies of various hospitals, I only managed to find Carborie at Pantai Hospital Ampang.

Conclusion
Prior to discharge, I was taught BLS.  Other advices including not to bring baby to public places when he's still small, visitors must be well when they come, and that we should see a pediatrician if the baby is unwell.

And now is the beginning of a new journey ahead.  A journey which I do not know what to expect, so I shall only go along with what needs to be done for the moment.  Now that we've gone through the 1st phase, a new set of concern thus comes.

The Good Old Days

Many things came flashing across my mind throughout the past 4 days where I spent 80% of the time on bed. The past, the present as well as the vague future. Call the future vague because there's no way of seeing it.

Among the things that had played in my mind were the good old days. Thinking of the past doesn't bring any benefit, but it surely makes me think about the things that my future child will never be able to experience. One of the most disheartening things is that, my future child will never get to physically know its maternal grandmother. Anyway, what's the point of divulging into this when my child has not even been safely born to the world yet?

Bad nostalgia apart, but out of fond memories of the good old days, lets explore some of the moments that used to be part of my life...

1. The scenary

One of the most beautiful sights in Ipoh is the "Sam Poh Tong" cave temple. Here's a building at Sam Poh Tong that resembles what's commonly found in China. The pond and rock garden are simply splendid.

2. Mid-autumn festival at home

Gone now are the days when I used to be able to celebrate the mid-autumn festival yearly at home. My mother and I loved the light up paper lanterns and put them up outside the house.

Our final mid-autumn festival together in 2010

3. So near and yet so far

This is one of my mother's workplaces... the "Klinik Desa Bemban" in Batu Gajah. A place where the local expectant mothers get their antenatal check-ups and babies get vaccinated for free. Indeed, my "kad merah" from Klinik Kesihatan Seri Kembangan reminds me of my mom's work!

Mom's former workplace, post-renovation.

4. The Kellie's Castle, a place of attraction in Batu Gajah.

Located between Batu Gajah and Gopeng, this place attracts many visitors during the holidays. Also a popular spot for pre-wedding photography.

View from the rooftop of Kellie's Castle. Limestone hills are synonymous with Ipoh and its surrounding towns.

5. Going home

A train ride of going back to Ipoh is incomplete without a countryside scene such as this:

An invigorating view of a vegetable farm away from the city

6. Plants at home

One of things I liked being at home were the sight of plants.

My mom's garden of greenery. I wish I'm able to revive something similar in the future so that my future child (if I indeed have one) will learn to appreciate the beauty of plants instead of concretes.

The blooming bougainvilleas outside my former neighbour's home...

Ixora that used to surround the side of my former home:

This all-leaves plant consists of very fine leaves and branches. It needs a lot of water and shade to sustain itself.

Sadly, I was unable to bring it along with my due to unavoidable circumstances when I was forced to shift from my former home.

7. Some typical dinner of a single-girl who's away from home

There's nothing special nor bad in what I used to have when I was away from home. But now that I haven't had outside food such as these for a long time, I think I'm beginning to miss them. Ironically so.

Rice with eggplant, minced meat and "bird's eye chili" from the “大炒”

Rice and curries... my favourite in times when I crave for spices

There are more than these, but then I usually don't take picture of all the meals I consume. :P

8. The backyard

I used to enjoy watching pigeons in the noons after lunch. One of my neighbours from the street behind my former home keeps pigeons. Some Chinese believe that pigeons bring good fortunes. And my fortunes lies in..............?

9. The Last Supper

This isn't exactly supper, but should more precisely be described as the last meal that I enjoyed with peace on the night before things suddenly happened akin to a crash of rollercoaster.

A bento takeaway from Jusco:

The stress of seeing life draining away from a person so dear was intensely high. I was stressed mostly by shock, not so much by sadness due to the personal notion that when the time comes for one to go, one has no choice but to let go. Nevertheless, having said that, it doesn't mean that sadness was absent just because I didn't cry.

10. Farewell my home, from the bottom of my heart

As an informal farewell to Ipoh, my brother and I managed to go to a few places and ate what's locally-famous while on our way back from running various errands.

The Ipoh Padang, facing my dad's alma mater, St Michael's Institution

After regaining some appetite, we managed to try these savory egg tarts at Nam Heong located on Jalan Bijeh Timah for the first and last time.

The original White Coffee at Nam Heong

Conclusion

Will what's supposedly gone, ever come back to life?

One Day vs. A Lifetime

Wedding is only a one-day affair, but the outcome of a marriage lasts a lifetime.

Marriage goes beyond looking good on photographs. Substance matters, not merely what's on the surface. The list is not exhaustive, but here are some of my humble views on marriage:

1. I prefer to be low-profile as opposed to being in the limelight in the form a grand celebration. Greater attention equals to higher level of post-wedding stress.

2. There is no harm in going through traditions for the sake of experience, provided they are practical and not redundant today.

3. Marriage opens up the pandora's box that leads to the voyage of the unknown. We humans can only plan, and certain things are beyond our control no matter how hard we try.

4. No two humans are perfect and compromise between parties is thus very crucial.

5. No two humans in the world can read each others' thoughts. Communication is key to keep a marriage alive...

6. As usual, the saying "it takes two hands to clap" is very applicable to marriage.

7. Love is blind, but marriage is eye-opener ;) 

and lastly....

8. In light of three dark events, I'm actually not in the mood to celebrate what ought to be a "Big Day". What joy is there in celebrating when one of the most important persons behind the event isn't going to be around to physically witness it? It suffices to me that I'm already legally-married (although I have yet to live like a married person at the moment).

Pre-Wedding Photography Preview

Background
I'm pretty shy when it comes to taking and sharing photographs of myself, and therefore only pose for official purposes - 99% of the time.

I'm not...
Please forgive me if I sound narcissist today, but I swear that it actually seldom happen. After all, I've always got to go on extra miles to gather enough confidence to pose for photographs, let alone self-admiration. :P

For the first time
So long after establishing my blog cum diary, this is the first time I'm putting up photographs of my husband and I on the blog after I for so long... so I'm a little excited.

Before I divulge into the photography experience recently, here are just a preview for what's drafted for my pre-wedding album. There are many more to come, both indoor and outdoor photographs.

For a start, let me share a few indoor photographs here. I am no pretty supermodel, but just a humble young lady with an ordinary life (a life that's challenging as well, as I'm physically-tired from shouldering the responsibilities of 2 people at home).

Indoor photography in evening attire...
(photographed in the studio, behind is a huge glass panel cum window facing the main street)

In full white-attire...

And finally, in Chinese costume comprising mandarin-collared attire and "kwa qun"...

Digressing a little
In light of what just occured recently, it's no surprise that I particularly like my cousin's remark that I looked like my mom in this picture. I suspect the reason behind liking the remark so much is because I miss my mom very much.

For the first time ever, folks think that I finally look like my mom, yay... *.* Anyway, if I look like my mom at all, I'm probably only a distorted version of her. My mom's naturally-beautiful, I'm not.

Back to the topic today.....

Pre-Wedding Photography in a Nutshell
My summarised list of facts & commentaries:

1. The Studio: Victoria in SS2, PJ

2. Costume SelectionReasonable. I'm generally satisfied with the range available. For our package, we are allocated 2 white wedding gowns and 1 evening gown for indoor photography, 1 white gown for outdoor, and 1 set of traditional attire (in which we have chosen the "kwa qun" over Japanese and classical French costume).

3. Make-up and Hair
I do not know the name of the resident bridal make-up artist, but she's very professional, puts in a high level of effort in ensuring perfection, and friendly. I'm happy with her work.

4. Photographer
Again, I do not know their names. I only know my SA's name.
Our photographer is a young guy, assisted by another who's also around his age. I had a pleasant experience with both the photographer and his assistant.

5. Album Design
I'm neither a designer nor anyone deep into the art of photography, so I won't be able to comment in details. From what's shown to us during the viewing session, the proposed draft looked fine.

But please do take note that there are many "more premium" designs and types of album available, and the SA will try to persuade clients to take them up.

Ultimately, it boils down to your personal preference. My only advice with this regard is to be decisive of what you really want/need for your album and frames.

6. Outdoor Photoshoot
It was very hot... literally-speaking. It's 3 pm by the time we finished the indoor photography. As I have yet to unravel my outdoor photographs, I'll only divulge the venue then.

Again, with my devil-may-care attitude with regard to wedding-related arrangements such as photography, tradition and ceremony, I'm fine with anywhere as long as the scenary looks good on photos.

7. Pricing
Just like the rest of the studios, extra charges are inherent in all the photography packages offered. My advice is to be prepared with 20% extra because even if no additions are made, for e.g. assuming that you don't add anything extra to your photography package, the extra sum will inevitably crop up.

Last, but not least...

Marriage goes beyond photography per se... it takes a lot more than just a wedding.

The Things I Miss

Among them...

1. Mom's home-cooking


2. Calico cat from the backyard.


3. Lush greenery and plants in front of the house

No Tears

Unbelievable but true - 3 events of bereavement within 5 months in the same year. Are they mere coincidence or am I just plain "unlucky" to have to face them? Although I remained very calm and didn't cry throughout all 3 occasions, such occurrences weren't without any toll on myself.

My weakness lies in my inability to express my emotion. I told myself "cry please... cry", but was in vain. God surely is currently putting me through the mother-of-all-tests. As a result of not being able to physically cry out, my appetite and sleeping pattern suffered greatly. For half a month I was only able to eat cat-sized meals, and unable to sleep more than 4 hours daily.

From L-sized to M-sized, sometimes S... transforming from Miss Energetic to Miss Drowsy. What a great way to turn slim, but that's beside the point. What I want is normalcy; I long to get back to those good old days and I wish to be able to move forward with continuous strength.

Now I know what the Queen-of-my-heart went through. It's tough-going to play so many roles at home for a 28 y.o. + still-healthy young woman, let alone a 63 y.o. with chronic conditions. Perhaps that's why God decides to take her back and let the 28 y.o. take over the noble duty instead.

Telling the Untold

A picture of my hand-bouquet randomly taken while boringly (but excitingly-in-secret) waiting for our turn at JPN Putrajaya yesterday... But where's the picture of the newly-wed? Let's wait for that to come later, although I've uploaded one that's taken at our ROM venue on another more personal site.

May 4th, 2011 is the day we begin our lives as man and wife, in the eyes of law...

Some may argue that it's only upon customary marriage that a man and woman officially become spouses. However, coming from a law academic background makes me put a higher regard to the registration of marriage (ROM) as what we call marriage, as opposed to customary marriage.

Having said that, I nonetheless still treat both with importance as they compliment each other in different ways.

The ROM empowers us legally as husband and wife, while customary marriage empowers us as part of each others' families through exchange of gifts and the tea ceremony.

Behind the scene...

..... lies a thousand untold stories. Who's the 'lucky guy'? Other than to a few close folks whom I frequently meet, how come I've never mentioned about going for dates, let alone marriage? And no, things didn't happen overnight.

Not without doubts at first

As much as I would like to share this earlier, my excitement was strangely beyond description by words. Throughout the 2 years of courtship, I was not without anxiety and even doubts at times. I was afraid to share in the beginning. What if we don't make it? And thus I didn't tell the world. It's only upon attaining a level of certainty that I begin to divulge.

Are we prepared for the huge commitment? Have we understood each other well enough? Do we share any common aim in life? We share a great friendship, but are we compatible as spouses?

He is serious about me, I could see that he is truly committed and loves me. But am I good enough to return the love that he showers on me? I love and cherish him for who he is, although I undoubtedly like to tease him for acting just half his age by sticking to Play Station.

We are opposites
Indeed, we are.

I love music, he prefers movies. He loves manga, but I don't. I like fish, he likes chicken. He enjoys mild-tasting food, I love spicy food. I come from the national education stream, he comes from the Chinese national-type stream. He likes indoor activities, I like outdoor. I'm inclined towards art, he is into maths.

Despite our differences, our relationship has worked fine from the day we met until today (fingers-crossed). Perhaps, our differences compensate for what we individually lack. Humans are not perfect, and sure we are no exceptions.

Storm and Clear Skies

However, having stated the above, it doesn't mean that our journey prior to marriage was serene as a calm ocean on a daily basis. Storms did occur on a very occasional basis. But I was most touched by the high level of his determination to salvage all we have, as well as the encouragement and support from his and my parents in overcoming the storms.

Moving Forward

We have yet to hold the customary marriage ceremonies and will only do them on selected dates. My side of the family and I are actually not particular about auspicious times and dates, nonetheless we shall be happy to accommodate any party who prefer that we go by tradition. It'll be fun to go by a little tradition and imagine what our parents went through during their marriage.

I don't have anything in mind to share as to what's going to come along upon being someone's wife. For we may only plan, but the actual thing will be left to be seen as things come along. .
.
.
.
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P/s: Someone veteran just shared a piece of mind with me earlier today. Call it surprising for the issue of PDA (public display of affection) from the innocent remark "I see that both of you look 'icy' from someone in his 70s. My reply was that we respect the people around us in public and therefore choose not to show any gross PDA, other than normal hands-holding, and some light pecks on the cheek in private.

But I also saw the above statement of opinion as an insinuation as to our practice of chastity at pre-marital stage. I'm pretty sure that the veteran person who initiated a chat on the topic with me must be curious as to how come I've never failed to come home from every night date during my courtship with my husband before marriage. Not a night at my boyfriend's place?
The veteran person had said to me "you know, it's not about having to be flirtatious, but it's crucial that sufficient affection has to be won and maintained between two at all times........". That, I interpret as a piece of opinion cum advice. An honest and straightforward one.

Religious issue aside, at the end of the day, it's ultimately up to any couple to mutually agree on what they choose to practise (chastity or otherwise before they marry). To me, I'm perfectly comfortable with the practice of chastity at pre-marital stage on grounds which I'm not about to share here.

Moving forward - Part II

Until the customary marriage ceremony, I will meanwhile just be a part-time wife as we currently live and work quite apart from each other. But as of now, I haven't actually seen myself like a wife of anyone... don't know if it matters or not.

I pray that I'll adjust to my new environment and new families once I'm officially a full-time wife. My parents-in-law are okay so far, and I'll do my best in employing and retaining my diplomacy as it is presently.

I'm actually pretty afraid of the dreadful stories of living with extended families that I heard from folks around me. However, at the same time, I also know of folks who live harmoniously with their extended families. The reason why I raise this issue is due to the initial arrangement of living with extended family i.e. my in-laws in the early stage of marriage, which I was in a dilemma until I finally saw that not all things perceived bad are actually bad.
After all, my aunt (wife of my 2nd eldest uncle) had lived with my late paternal grandma under the same roof for more than 4 decades and yet, their relationship had been superbly harmonious at all times.

Whichever side of the story I will end up in, I'm fully aware of the importance of having contingency plans ready, akin to preparing for rainy days just in case if there's any neccesity to divert from what's originally planned.

Too much, too swift

My phone is set at flight mode...
Because I'm in a flight mood.

Don't ask me why, for the sky is high. Something has gone too swift.

What's Love

I wonder if love is perhaps.....

The Good
Free from discrimination... Only personality matters, not looks... Able to accept each other as who he/she is... Unconditional... Everlasting... Being there for each other... Free from materialism, but only love...

Myth or fact (M.O.F)?

The Bad
That love is blind (only marriage is eye-opener)... No?

I also wonder, M.O.F?

Conclusion
Yet to experience and yet to know. There's nothing wrong with me now; I'm not in love yet. After all, 26 is still young. Just that sometimes I wonder what's love really all about. It's frequently talked about, but no one really knows the definition of love.

Wind of Change

Transformation or what?
I feel different... more and more. Desiring more changes. First, I changed almost half of my wardrobe. Don't know why I feel like revealing more. Nothing sexy and nothing eye-rolling, only shorter sleeves, tighter and more fanciful outfits.

Then, I bought 2 pairs of 'cutesy' floral earrings to be disappointed they aren't practical to be worn on rough occasions. I cut my hair (again!) and wonder if the new look will stay in place after my next wash.

Hair Growth Myth
My hair did grow. Just that it's invisible until straightened. I didn't iron-straight my hair this time around, but only went for chemical treatment to smooth and relax them up. I want my hair to look straight, but not flat straight.

Many people commented that my hair don't grow. My hair growth is invisible because my hair is wavy. Whatever regrowth won't go down to make my hair look longer. Instead, they curve upwards and only upon straightening them, I suddenly saw that my hair has grown 2 inches longer.

Long is sexy, short is chic
At first, I felt 'sayang' to cut my hair. But after a second thought, I still wanted to cut my hair short. I've never really kept long hair all my life, and the longest being shoulder length. Don't know why, but I always think that I look older than my real age with longer hair.

I recall. With shorter hair, I'm frequently mistaken for being a student. I tend to prefer a less matured look. When my hair was longer (when I was a real student in my very early 20s), I was always mistaken for being a working adult. Call me vain, the short-hair business happened ever since I came back from my workplace Team Building. I saw my photos and was shocked at how much older I looked with longer hair. ;p

Most of my male friends prefer girls with long hair. I suppose long hair creates a very sexy look for girls... Perhaps, guys enjoy caressing a girl's smooth, long hair (not talking about erotic caressing here, but merely ordinary caresses between man and woman). Or maybe appearing more flirtatous with long hair, as you twist and twirl your hair.

Short hair, on the other hand, tends to be on the cute side. It doesn't mean that I don't want to age gracefully though, but what I want is to at most look like my real age.

Should I?
I've questioned myself many times. My housemate cum friend is finishing her studies soon, and will be returning to her homecountry. My roommate will leave next year. Both of these friends of mine are younger than me, but only a few years.

Maybe it's going to be odd to stay with someone, say almost a decade younger than me. My current place of dwelling is only a few doors from college, and I contemplate someone as young as that staying there.

Oddness is in terms of a few aspects. It's true that you don't have to necessarily mingle with your roommate. But it may not be nice on "my new roommate" if she has to be restricted in some sense. I've been a student before and I know how enjoyable was it to stay up very late to do assignments / revising. I don't 'sound' at people, it's just not my nature, but I don't want people to feel "forced" to switch off the light after midnight for instance, and I don't think it's nice if my 6.20 alarm wakes people up, esp when people just fell asleep. Once in a while is ok, but in a long run, it may be stressful.

Other than possibility of odd positions, and costly rental, I haven't got any nice ground to justify shifting away. Landlord is good, house is clean and feels like home, facilities are complete, laundry is taken care of and having Wi-Fi from other surrounding houses for me to 'curi'; what's there to complaint? After all, beautiful facilities are the result of beautiful price paid. Distance-wise, may be a little far from efficient public transportation, but is that a concern now, since I've unexpectedly got a car with me here?

Instead, if I were to move to a place near to LRT station, I may complaint about noise. I may no longer know what to do with or where to keep my car. Till then, we'll see when the time comes.

On the Road

I was driving past SS2 when I was stuck in a traffic congestion in the evening. Cars not moving although the light was green. So happened that it was right in front of a row of bridal houses.

Peeping though the glass panels of one of the houses, I saw a lady dressed up in white bridal gown. Must be selecting gowns, I guess. She turned, flipped, etc, accompanied by a few others who's pointing to a few angles. Wow, I was seeing it so clearly.

Despite not knowing who the 'dressed-in-bridal-gown' is, I felt happy for her. I was thinking, 'congrats, and good luck...'. Of course, I realise that marriage is not simply any business, i.e. it's not say wed means wed.

"Jauh panggang dari api". I have no business thinking how is marriage like at this moment, since it's something far ahead. Don't want... don't want...