Telling the Untold

A picture of my hand-bouquet randomly taken while boringly (but excitingly-in-secret) waiting for our turn at JPN Putrajaya yesterday... But where's the picture of the newly-wed? Let's wait for that to come later, although I've uploaded one that's taken at our ROM venue on another more personal site.

May 4th, 2011 is the day we begin our lives as man and wife, in the eyes of law...

Some may argue that it's only upon customary marriage that a man and woman officially become spouses. However, coming from a law academic background makes me put a higher regard to the registration of marriage (ROM) as what we call marriage, as opposed to customary marriage.

Having said that, I nonetheless still treat both with importance as they compliment each other in different ways.

The ROM empowers us legally as husband and wife, while customary marriage empowers us as part of each others' families through exchange of gifts and the tea ceremony.

Behind the scene...

..... lies a thousand untold stories. Who's the 'lucky guy'? Other than to a few close folks whom I frequently meet, how come I've never mentioned about going for dates, let alone marriage? And no, things didn't happen overnight.

Not without doubts at first

As much as I would like to share this earlier, my excitement was strangely beyond description by words. Throughout the 2 years of courtship, I was not without anxiety and even doubts at times. I was afraid to share in the beginning. What if we don't make it? And thus I didn't tell the world. It's only upon attaining a level of certainty that I begin to divulge.

Are we prepared for the huge commitment? Have we understood each other well enough? Do we share any common aim in life? We share a great friendship, but are we compatible as spouses?

He is serious about me, I could see that he is truly committed and loves me. But am I good enough to return the love that he showers on me? I love and cherish him for who he is, although I undoubtedly like to tease him for acting just half his age by sticking to Play Station.

We are opposites
Indeed, we are.

I love music, he prefers movies. He loves manga, but I don't. I like fish, he likes chicken. He enjoys mild-tasting food, I love spicy food. I come from the national education stream, he comes from the Chinese national-type stream. He likes indoor activities, I like outdoor. I'm inclined towards art, he is into maths.

Despite our differences, our relationship has worked fine from the day we met until today (fingers-crossed). Perhaps, our differences compensate for what we individually lack. Humans are not perfect, and sure we are no exceptions.

Storm and Clear Skies

However, having stated the above, it doesn't mean that our journey prior to marriage was serene as a calm ocean on a daily basis. Storms did occur on a very occasional basis. But I was most touched by the high level of his determination to salvage all we have, as well as the encouragement and support from his and my parents in overcoming the storms.

Moving Forward

We have yet to hold the customary marriage ceremonies and will only do them on selected dates. My side of the family and I are actually not particular about auspicious times and dates, nonetheless we shall be happy to accommodate any party who prefer that we go by tradition. It'll be fun to go by a little tradition and imagine what our parents went through during their marriage.

I don't have anything in mind to share as to what's going to come along upon being someone's wife. For we may only plan, but the actual thing will be left to be seen as things come along. .
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P/s: Someone veteran just shared a piece of mind with me earlier today. Call it surprising for the issue of PDA (public display of affection) from the innocent remark "I see that both of you look 'icy' from someone in his 70s. My reply was that we respect the people around us in public and therefore choose not to show any gross PDA, other than normal hands-holding, and some light pecks on the cheek in private.

But I also saw the above statement of opinion as an insinuation as to our practice of chastity at pre-marital stage. I'm pretty sure that the veteran person who initiated a chat on the topic with me must be curious as to how come I've never failed to come home from every night date during my courtship with my husband before marriage. Not a night at my boyfriend's place?
The veteran person had said to me "you know, it's not about having to be flirtatious, but it's crucial that sufficient affection has to be won and maintained between two at all times........". That, I interpret as a piece of opinion cum advice. An honest and straightforward one.

Religious issue aside, at the end of the day, it's ultimately up to any couple to mutually agree on what they choose to practise (chastity or otherwise before they marry). To me, I'm perfectly comfortable with the practice of chastity at pre-marital stage on grounds which I'm not about to share here.

Moving forward - Part II

Until the customary marriage ceremony, I will meanwhile just be a part-time wife as we currently live and work quite apart from each other. But as of now, I haven't actually seen myself like a wife of anyone... don't know if it matters or not.

I pray that I'll adjust to my new environment and new families once I'm officially a full-time wife. My parents-in-law are okay so far, and I'll do my best in employing and retaining my diplomacy as it is presently.

I'm actually pretty afraid of the dreadful stories of living with extended families that I heard from folks around me. However, at the same time, I also know of folks who live harmoniously with their extended families. The reason why I raise this issue is due to the initial arrangement of living with extended family i.e. my in-laws in the early stage of marriage, which I was in a dilemma until I finally saw that not all things perceived bad are actually bad.
After all, my aunt (wife of my 2nd eldest uncle) had lived with my late paternal grandma under the same roof for more than 4 decades and yet, their relationship had been superbly harmonious at all times.

Whichever side of the story I will end up in, I'm fully aware of the importance of having contingency plans ready, akin to preparing for rainy days just in case if there's any neccesity to divert from what's originally planned.