Story in Memory of My Mom

"She's the size of a kettle when I took her home", was the description given by my late grandmother.

This is the story of my mom.  A note solely to commemorate the person whose voice was the first I heard in my life.  Also as a means to keep memories alive.  

And if any of my children come across this blog one day, then this is the story of their maternal grandmother who had looked forward to meet her grandchildren for the longest of time, but never had the chance to do so due to fate.  

The Birth

Born in the rainy and serene town of Taiping, Perak on 22nd March 1948, my mom was accordingly a skinny baby, who was given away for adoption before her first month of life, or "full moon", as what the Chinese would call it.

Hometown of Taiping

Quoting my late grandma:

Her biological dad's surname is "Liu" (劉 / 刘) of Hakka (大埔) descent while her mom had passed away long ago (at the time of narration, when I was 16 years old).  She's not the only one given out for adoption, but a few sisters as well.

During her mom's pregnancy, one of the local Malay ladies had initially made her "booking" to adopt her.  However, for unknown reasons, the lady could not be located after more than a week, and her parents were financially struggling to make ends meet.  You know, the aftermath of WW2 in the years before had ruined many people's livelihood.

The Adoption

My maternal grandpa and grandma (who legally adopted my mom) were married for a number of years in the 1940s.  However, they did not have children of their own.  Upon recommendation by my grandma's aunt, through words of acquaintances, it was how both pairs of my grandparents met.

Toddler photo

Growing up and Aspiration

Back in those days when hygiene and infant vaccination were almost non-existence, my mom was a frail child.

For instance, pertussis was described as the "100 days of cough".  She'd coughed so badly for so long, that my grandparents thought she would not make it.   My grandma would further narrate how she used to carry my mom when she was a child to the clinic, because she was frequently sick.

Although my grandpa read the Nanyang (Chinese) newspaper daily, he looked up to the western cultures, and as a result, sent my mom and my aunt (8 years younger that my mom, also adopted during infancy) to an English school.  

My grandpa's view was that, hopefully both of them would be able to secure a job in the civil service.  

My mom was not academically-inclined, but was more drawn towards sports and extra-curricular activities.  Girls' Life Brigade, 100 m and 200 m runs were her activities in school. 

During her school days, my mom had great admiration towards uniforms.  Her main childhood ambition was to become a policewoman.  

Upon finishing school and while trying to apply for jobs, she was told "bagus amoi, tapi you pakai spek... jadi tak boleh masuk polis" by one of the policemen at the station where she went (it meant - good, but since you wear glasses, you don't qualify to become a police).

My mom admitted that it was difficult looking for a job back then.  Finally, lady luck came and my mom was offered to pursue Midwifery in the government nursing school.  

Where She Worked

From Taiping to Jitra in Kedah, she had served in a few other small towns, even remote areas in Perak e.g. Gerik, Klian Intan, Batu Hampar and Beruas as a midwife, later as Jururawat Desa, and Jururawat Masyarakat (community nurse), between the 1960s to the late 1970s.  Those days when home delivery was still common in places located quite away from the hospital, where folks used to engage a public midwife to deliver their babies.

Jetty at Batu Hampar

"Guess that's why I met my Mr. Right late....", my mom would tell me.

Later on in her 30s, my mom was transferred to Klinik Kesihatan Kg. Manjoi in Ipoh.  And soon, upon meetings via mutual friends, that was how my mom met my dad for the first time.  My dad had worked for a number of years in Cameron Highlands prior to that, before he returned to Ipoh.

From Manjoi, my parents got married (my dad being 39 at that time, and my mom being 34), and had their first child the following year (me).  

Bride wedding portrait

The same year in 1983, my mom received another transfer to Kg. Sungai Terap in Batu Gajah (BG is 20 minutes away by car from Ipoh), and lastly to Kg. Baru Bemban in the same town in 1989.  My mom's workplace thus explains why I went to both St. Joseph Kindergarten and St. Bernadette's Convent in BG, instead of within Ipoh itself.

KK Kg. Manjoi, Ipoh (1983)

My mom loved her job and treated her patients like her friends.  However, despite her passion as a nurse-midwife, my mom somehow did not encourage me to pursue a path similar to hers.  

Deep side, I had a secret ambition of becoming a staff nurse. Gotcha... it's only now I am disclosing it.  

But since my mom always told me to seek something purportedly "better", by bluntly telling me "a nurse's job is about serving people all the time, sometimes you even get treated like a coolie...", I therefore did not proceed with my secret plan to apply for any nursing training. 

The Loves of Her Life

My parents have 2 children from their marriage.  A pair comprising a girl and a boy.

First child

Observing the demeanor of my parents as a child, I used to think that my parents, notably my mom, indulged my younger a little more.   I think I only got closer to my mom from my teenage onwards, a time when there were so many questions about life to ask a mom.

Post-Work Life & Numbers Don't Lie

My mom retired in 2004 at the compulsory retirement age of 56 at that time.  I figure that it would be challenging to both my parents, in the sense that their children were still young and studying, while both of them were retired.  An age where a number of their peers were either about to become grandparents, or already one.

Being an active person and in frequent contact with her peers and ex-patients, my mom had remained largely at work with small businesses, ranging from selling clothes (those days when catalogues were quite common), bed sheets, and formula milk, which included infant formula.   

During her free time at home, other than helping my dad out, she enjoyed gardening and tending to my brother's pet dogs.  

Post-retirement hobby

Despite the active lifestyle and healthy appearance, my mom was actually not 100% in the pink of health, as she used to suffer from thyroid problems in her youth, and subsequently one of the common NCDs which affect a number of elderly folks.  But everything seemed in control, as figures don't lie, do they?

The Last Mother's Day

I wish I could have given her much more, but alas, being still "young" in the career path means I could only afford humble treats for her, after years of her feeding me as a child.  

May 1st was a public holiday, I went back to Ipoh by sheer homesickness, and thought of celebrating Mother's Day in advance.  Took her to Kinta City (arguably the biggest shopping mall back then), had lunch, and went shopping for a pair of new shoes and handbag, as she had planned to use them during my wedding that very same year, voila!

"Why would you not prefer me to marry the following year instead, so that I will be more prepared?", I jokingly said to her.  

"Look, I am getting old, I am not perfectly healthy, and who knows if I would be dead by then?", she replied in a very spontaneous and chill manner.  

"But you are even more energetic than me... unlike me who's always tired at this young age", I said.  

I couldn't churn out the logic of celebrating Mother's Day so early, and also especially when I am not the sentimental type who would commemorate any special days.  But, I felt a strong urge of doing it, as if I would say good bye to her after this (being married away from my family...).

Farewell, from the Bottom of My Heart

On the day my own wee baby Alvin was born in May 2012, was the 1st year anniversary of my mom's demise.

The way Alvin came, was also coincidentally similar to the way my mom left.  ICU setting, intubation, blood transfusion, brain scan, various lines into the veins, looking so frail, etc.  God surely had very strange plans in our lives.

The sandy garden outside her final resting place in Bercham, Ipoh 

On that fateful afternoon, just a week after our last Mother's Day together, my mom fell unconscious and had her head hit near the dining area.  She was sent to the general hospital (Ipoh) by ambulance... the fastest and safest way to get there.  

The doctors at the A&E took quite some time to figure out what was wrong with my mom, and which ward to place her.  That night, a policeman came by my home (in Ipoh) with a written message, my brother took it, and apparently, the doctor was seeking a next-of-kin to consent to a blood transfusion.  We were further confused by what had transpired.  

To cut the story short, unknown to all of us, my mom had brain aneurysm.  She had lived for 7 days in the ward without being able to speak to anyone of us, before taking the last breathe due to ICB (intra cranial bleed).

It just reminds me of how fragile can a human be.  Appearing so energetic and well one day, and motionless the next day.  

My last words to my mom, if I could have turned that clock to that day?  

Thank you for being my mom and the memories of our times together.  I am not a perfect child, but I know you have done all your best in parenting and showering your love.  Farewell, from the bottom of my heart.  

#Mom 

#SekLaiKuin

#IreneSek

The Decade-Long Contact Lens Story

Love it or hate it, I've been a user for slightly more than a decade. 

Are contact lenses safe and good?  Are they user-friendly, or are they troublesome? Are they even dangerous?  Do they help to boost your esteem?  

Here is gist of my own journey with contact lenses, and my second attempt to "quit".  Perhaps not to the extent of completely quitting, but to gradually turn into a social user .

Introduction

Coming from a predominantly oriental background and where close to half of my family (including extended ones) have refractive errors, specifically nearsightedness, it may or may not be due to the genes.  

Or it could purely be due to my personal lifestyle attributed to the nature of the subject of my choice after finishing secondary school... where spending hours in front of books was mandatory, or else risk not passing all the highly examination-based subjects.  

I used to enjoy a 6/6 acuity throughout my school life.  Perhaps it was attributed to living in a small town where I used to play and cycle outdoors everyday.  How I wish I can afford to have that for my suburb kids too because being what I am now, I am concerned about the possibility of them following my path, but at an earlier age than me.

But from the final year of my tertiary course onward, my acuity gradually went from 6/6 to 6/9, then 6/24, etc.  These changes only came to a halt in my late 20s.  

Even though my diopters aren't high (anything below -3.0 D is considered mild), I do face some inconvenience.  While I am able to still go glasses-free at home when distance vision is not required, an such defect sometimes result in embarrassment.  E.g. people would be wondering how can you mistake A as Z, for instance.  

The consequence ranges from the simple the embarrassment of not noticing and saying hello to someone known to me on the street, to something more serious such as being in a close brush with mishap due to vanity i.e. not wanting to wear glasses but also too lazy in putting on any contacts.

How did it begin

Without any concealment, I admit that I did not quite fancy glasses, largely due to: 

• Little knowledge of what's in trend;
• Fear of suddenly looking drastically different from my natural self of more than 20 years; and
• Coming from parents who were users of glasses (my dad too, before his cataract surgery which gave him reasonably good eyesight now as he has IOL now).  Both of them had been particular about their children's eyesight.  Hence, it was somehow ingrained in me that having good eyesight and being glasses-free is the ideal way to go and not to be like my parents, because they would tell me to "take care of your eyes so that you won't face the inconvenience that we face". 

But thanks to the existence of contact lenses, which I consider generally user-friendly, I did not hesitate in trying them out.   

 

My personal reasons back then as a "20-something" for using them:

• Peer influence.  Coming from an era and place where more than half of my peers are users of contact lenses, it thus naturally came to me to use them when I think is necessary (powers aren't high, so I could choose whether to wear anything or nothing on my eyes);
• Due to less variety available in the past, glasses didn't seem like the coolest thing on Earth back in those days; and
• Feeling good about (most) folks not knowing the secret of my imperfect eyesight.  But when thinking of it today, what is there to be secretive about?  Let's attribute that as my own silly thoughts.  
• Ease of use and access.  

Despite the above, I did not wear my contacts day-and-night, but preferred wearing them only when I was out for work or social reasons.  I do not wear contacts at home, and glasses was only reserved for when activities requiring long distance are required.

What I liked about contacts

I liked them for convenience, good feelings, and they definitely helped bring in pleasant vibes of being free from glasses.

Contacts are generally comfortable if you are using the ones that are suitable for you, and take care of them strictly as per the published instructions. 

Although it is tempting to continue using the same pair for longer than the advised period, please refrain from doing it, because besides the risk of infection, it may also increase the risk of getting GPC in the long run.  "Giant papillary conjuctivitis", eww no please....  

From my personal experience, the most comfortable and user-friendly brand is the bi-weekly Acuvue Oasys.  

What I disliked about them

Requiring more time to get ready, as I would need at least an extra of 5 minutes.

Possibly due to bodily changes as years go by, or me being less meticulous nowadays as I get busier, I'd end up with slightly uncomfortable eyes after work if I'd stay for extra 2 hours, even when I was using Oasys which is supposed to have higher air permeability.  I do not sleep in them.

However, when I wore my contacts during non-working days, I would not face the same problem - no red eyes and no dry eyes.

By the way, contact lenses are not perfect.  They can be a nuisance, or even hazardous, when it rains and there is neither any shelter nor umbrella around.  I have had an unfavorable experience before being outdoor when it suddenly rained and water got into my eyes.

Yay or Nay

If I insist that I must only wear my contacts when I am out including to work, the prudent thing to do is to first consult an independent specialist for a thorough examination.  

There is a long list of contact lens-induced conditions, which many of us are actually unaware of because they do not present any symptom during the early stages.    

This is not surprising as in Malaysia, contact lenses can be easily bought without mandatory professional assessment.  

So far, there had only been one place I've been where the optometrist did a thorough examination before prescribing new contact lenses, and not just checking on acuity alone.  The optometrist's shop is still in business today, located at Ipoh Parade (my former hometown).  

Before any greater discomfort shows up, I thus decide that it will be better to take it easy on the usage of contact lenses.   

Further, as the nature of my job does not require one to be glasses-free, so why the hassle, one may ask.

Having said the above, I am not implying that all contact lens users use them for the same reason as I do (no, and never!).  Personally, I do not have strong justifications to insist on their usage, other than being a solely personal choice.  

Redness and dryness had been a cue to me, so rather than to risk suddenly losing the ability to use contact lenses altogether one day, it will be better to quit or at least to cut down its usage by more than half.

Some of my friends had personally undergone LASIK, and those who'd had positive experience have shared their suggestions to consider one. However, up to-date, I have not decided to give LASIK or its alternative a try. 

• Many centers offer attractive, interest-free easy payment schemes that when you compare with the costs of buying contact lenses, solutions, or even replacing your glasses once in every 2 to 3 years, LASIK may be slightly cheaper than the latter.  
• But as with any surgery, there is always a risk even though by just 0.001%.  Thus, the main factor to consider before deciding whether to do it or not, is the risk vs. benefit. 
• So far, there has not been an indication of the benefits outweighing the risks in my case.  While I don't see really well when I'm outdoors, I'm otherwise able to go around within the four corners of mine without glasses.  E.g. I'm able to tell the time from the wall clock at my wee living room although the numbers may not appear very clear.   
• Ultimately, it boils down to each individual's unique needs and preferences.  There is no right or wrong on what is the best option.  Hence, just decide according to your lifestyle needs, and to respect the subjective decision of each person.

But no matter how much I loved contacts, I suspect they may be the culprit behind my somewhat poor ocular immune system.  How?

Red, red wine

A long-lasting conjunctivitis back in 2016 was probably attributed to the use of contact lenses.  I have written about the ordeal before, here.

My family who contracted the conjunctivitis recovered within 3 to 5 days, but I took 14 days to appear presentable without noticeable redness.  And it wasn't even full recovery as people who came close to me noticed that my eyes looked a bit red.

After that incident, I managed to quit the use of contact lenses when going out for about two (2) weeks, before thinking "what am I to do with the remaining contacts?" and succumbing to using them again after that.

Resolution 2020

Having attempted to quit or drastically reduce the use of contact lenses for a few times without real motivation, I am gradually coming to terms that I should consider the long term.  

"Be moderate in everything you do".  

How to quit contacts when you have 2 boxes of them with you?  

This is so akin to wanting to quit smoking, but at the same time you still keep a new packet of cigarettes with you. 

This is as I'd bought 2 boxes of Oasys a few months ago, in name of utilising my yearly humble amount of fringe benefit as self-treat after a year of so-called hard work.  

For now, I neither plan to be a daily user, nor go cold turkey.  

With what I have now, especially when the 2 tampered boxes with me are non-daily lenses with expiry dates, I'd better use them up, but only sparingly.  

The longest I have recorded in recent times without touching my contacts at all was 7 weeks.  Although I didn't feel anything amiss when I don't wear glasses at home, I felt odd looking at the mirror when I was out on the occasional few days when I wore my contacts recently.  

It's apparently the other way round now.  What the heck, isn't that what I've done for the past decade, and why would I feel strange gazing at my 'glasses-free' appearance on the mirror when I'm out now?

In the meantime, I feel like continuing to buy contacts sometimes, because I would still love a second option, if possible.  Arghh... call it addition.  

But it's been half a year since I switched habit, and 6 months should be sufficient to embrace what seemed unimaginable in the past.  The motivating factor should be what's good or otherwise in the long run. 

Baby #3: The Delivery

Despite the common knowledge that each case is unique, I was nonetheless lured into the innocent contemplation of something quick and similar to what occurred during Aaron’s delivery, just because the trend appeared similar.  However, things turned out differently this time.  Here’s sharing on the arrival of the youngest brother of Alvin and Aaron.

Just like the rainbow cake.  Each layer has a different colour.  Likewise the uniqueness in each case when it comes to the reality...

Removal of Cerclage at 36 Weeks and Discharged

My cerclage removal back in 2014 was painless and took only minutes.  However, the process this time was long and unexpectedly painful.  The removal was done at 36 weeks at the ward itself, not the labour room.  But looking back, the discomfort experienced this time shouldn’t be a surprise because the cerclage had been inside for quite long, around 5 months, and as a result there was swelling on the cervix. 

Post-cerclage removal, other than spotting and despite a 3 cm os, I did not have any sign and symptom of labour.  CTG showed the presence of irregular and very mild contractions, and I did not feel any pain. 

Still no progress for another 3 days down the line, I was thus allowed to discharge.  Which meant going home and waiting for “the sign”.

 I wanna go home... time to clear up my mini pantry-cum-library

When, Where and How?

What are the signs that indicate it’s time to go to the hospital?  As I’ve never truly experienced the moment before, I was paranoid each time I went to the washroom.  Or whenever I felt a mild contraction indicated by tightening of the abdomen.

During daytime, my husband works in Pandan Indah while I’m in Seri Kembangan. What if the need to go to hospital occurred at the most inconvenient time - Serdang, Columbia, HUKM? 

25 October: Admission Day

A little short of the 38^th week, on Wednesday 25 October 2017, I had my check-up appointment at the antenatal clinic of PPUKM.  I did not expect admission into the ward on that day but already kept the necessary bags in the car earlier. 

Waiting area at the O&G clinic

While a young doctor was palpating my abdomen, a few surges of contraction suddenly occurred.  The doctor then performed a VE, and I was told that the os was “a good 4 cm”.  Upon consultation with Prof Azurah, I was admitted into home-sweet-home Ward 2B that afternoon.

In the ward, I had a 20-minute CTG for fetal heart rate and contraction monitoring.  There were contractions, but very mild and asymptomatic. Due to a GBS positive diagnosis at 35 weeks (never detected with one before this), I was started with a 4-hourly IV ampicillin on the same day, i.e. administered once in every 4 hours via injection through the IV line.

26 October: A Pain Like No Other

Things remained pretty much the same on the next morning.   Contraction was more regular but very mild.  There wasn’t any pain too.  After CTG and VE before dawn, at about 8 am, the doctor performed an artificial rupture of membrane before I was brought to Labour Room 5 on the 1^st floor.

At the labour room, a nurse took my temperature and administered enema.  After a few minutes, I was directed to the toilet.  The toilet at the labour room was clean, dry and spacious.  This was the first time I received an enema before delivery although it’s a routine for most other moms.

Back to my bed at the labour room, a doctor asked me if I wanted epidural.  Between not knowing how painful a real contraction is and also not wanting to risk regretting a “no” later on, I said yes.  There’s no right or wrong as this is purely a personal choice of each individual… there’s always risk vs benefit in any procedure. 

Before the doctor from Anaethesia department arrived, I had my first taste of contraction pain in my whole life.  It came once in 10 minutes. “So this is what contraction during labour feels like… it was indeed very painful!”

The Delivery Story

I was relieved when epidural was finally on.  At least I could lie down in comfort for about an hour.  Had labour augmentation – not my decision, but the doctors’.  Two hours later, but at only 8 cm, I felt a very strong pushing urge and great pain. The magnitude of pain this time seemed 10 times greater than what I'd experienced before.

In the past, it took me seconds and minutes to deliver, because my elder babies had been small.  Alvin was born very premature at 29 weeks weighing only 1.16 kg, while Aaron was 36 weeks plus at 2.5 kg.

It took about 30 minutes of breathing-in, pushing and breathing out before Baby No. 3 finally came out.  He is more than 3 times Alvin’s birth weight. 

The delivery of Baby No. 3 had many people in attendance – doctors, nurses and medical students.  Initially, I wished my husband was there to witness, but his absence due to work was perhaps a blessing in disguise as I had a bit of complication in the labour room after that - it's not something that I want any family member to see because it might create unnecessary worry and fear.

The joy of skin-on-skin with the baby wasn’t for long before I suddenly felt a fainting spell.  I felt extremely dizzy, drowsy, and nauseous.  As much as I feared vomiting, I couldn’t resist it and ended up soiling the pillow and my hair on one side.  Fortunately I did not eat much in the morning or else it would have been more.

Fainting Spell and Deep Sleep

It turned out that I had post-partum haemorrhage (PPH), or tumpah darah in Malay.  The placenta was alright as it was delivered intact.  But for reasons unknown to me, my uterus did not contract after delivery (uterine atony).  I was given a few injections of hemabate, a second branula was inserted onto my other hand for the Hartmann’s solution.  A few other procedures took place but I was too exhausted to remember them.      

The last thing I recalled was that a nurse told me that they’re taking the baby to the nursery of the ward. Baby, breastfeeding, child care, etc. subsequently disappeared from my mind.  I felt uncomfortable in a way that I don't know how to describe, followed by as though going into a deep sleep, away and far from the reality (hypovolemia?).  I wonder now if that’s also what death feels like.

I spent the next 2 hours asleep in the labour room with my heart rate and BP monitored by the nurses until I completed my Hartmann’s drip, finished a cup of drink and half a cracker.  I had no appetite for food until the night.  

Conclusion

Back in the ward when I finally met my baby again, my breastfeeding challenge came back to me just like three years ago.  Colostrum only began to kick in on Day 2, on the day baby and I were discharged.  Prior to that, the nurses had given baby formula top-ups (note: breast milk is first choice, but I am alright with and agreeable to mixed feeding if necessary).  

On a quiet and sunny day...

I am relieved and grateful that the whole ordeal went generally smoothly, thanks to excellent care from the dedicated doctors and nurses, as well as the kind wishes and prayers from dear friends and family.  I am thankful to Prof Azurah for promptly getting me into early treatment and close monitoring. 

I used to wonder and in awe of how it feels to be complete the third trimester and deliver a normal-sized baby at term.  But then I am not that strong after all.  A 3.49 kg baby almost made me pass out. I wonder too if that’s why a full-term pregnancy is not something that would occur naturally for me, if not with interventions in the form of cerclage, weekly proluton shots and bed rest.

Baby #3: The Final Trimester Story

Fast forward into the third trimester, a few changes had recently occurred.

The brief return and decision

While I returned to work a week after cerclage, about 4 weeks later when I saw Prof Azurah during my antenatal check-up at the Level 1 O&G Clinic at PPUKM, she had advised me to be on medical leave until delivery.  Finally, after a thorough consideration between the pros and cons of working under the current circumstances, I have decided to be out of work for the time being in order to accommodate the need to rest post-cerclage. 

Goodbye workplace...

Moments of serenity and storm

The first 2 months post-cerclage had been smooth-sailing as far as cervical length was concerned.  

Storm awaiting beneath the serenity

However, during my last appointment at the clinic on 23/8/2017 when I was close to 29 weeks, my cervical length had suddenly decreased to less than 3 cm, with funnelling.  Oh gosh, that immediately decided that I shall spend the rest of the pregnancy with bed rest in the uncomfortable Trendelenburg position at former home sweet home Ward 2B and 2 doses of Dexamethasone injections to help speed up fetal lungs maturity just in case if touch wood, preterm labour occurs.

10, 3, 2, 1.....

Right now, I feel like a time bomb ticking away to deliver anytime… even when I’m just relaxing on the bed.  The fact that the doctors would ask me about any contraction, discomfort, leaking and bleeding each time they make their rounds, hints that I am highly at risk to deliver anytime.  

Although I feel heavy-hearted to be away from Alvin and Aaron for don’t-know-how-long, it’s better that I’m in ward now just in case of any emergency.  Otherwise, I cannot imagine how soon I can get to the hospital if the baby is suddenly going to make its way out.  With a cerclage inside, it’s even 

more dangerous.

Myth and fact

So it’s a myth that with an early elective cerclage, I can be spared from same episode of events that I once went through with Aaron. Nevertheless, what I am going through now is not totally unexpected when I changed my mind and decided to try to conceive for one more time.  

There’s a sole personal reason for trying for Baby #3, anyway let’s just keep it in the heart… Actually, I don’t mind adopting a child, but in reality, the chance of finding an infant available for adoption is even more remote than finding a needle in the haystack (note: with reference to non-Muslim child adoption). 

There's no why

I used to, and still do, wonder how am I born with cervical insufficiency? I've never had any operation done on that part of me that causes cervical insufficiency.  My mom delivered me a few days short of 37 weeks as she had PPROM at 36 weeks, and my brother at 38 weeks.  Other than GDM and hyperthyroidism, my mom had no other known issue with her pregnancy and delivery (the good thing about being a former staff midwife, my mom kept her antenatal record cards very well and they’re still around).  In any event, I won’t be able to know my family medical history fully because my mom was an adopted child and I’ve never met any of her biological family members.

As humans, we can only plan.  And to embrace whatever that comes with the decisions that we’ve made.

Prof Azurah told “I’ll be happy if you manage to hold on to at least 34 weeks”, and although I look forward to go home as soon as possible, deep inside, I feel that it’s my obligation to carry Baby #3 to at least the minimum target, or 36 weeks if things turn out alright (fingers-crossed).  37 weeks will be a miracle to me. 

Be strong..... 

(Source: Classic FM)

Despite access to a few books and internet, I do feel bored in the ward.  But I must stay strong for this last baby.  Between the baby spending a long time in the NICU and me having to stay in the ward for more than 1 month, the latter is better. 

Although the survival rate of preterm babies at 28 weeks and above nowadays is more than 90%, they nonetheless face higher risks for a list of health issues.  This explains why very preterm babies are required to attend multiple follow-up appointments at various departments after they’re discharged from hospital – to make sure that everything is fine, and to be referred for treatment or therapy if problem(s) are detected. 

Conclusion

Looking from a brighter side, I’d better take this opportunity now to rest and relax whenever I can before the baby comes out.  But at the same time, to take care not to stay upright for too long, even by sitting down and writing too much.  

I’m supposed to lie down as much as possible, something which wasn’t possible while I was on medical leave at home earlier, which is probably why I suddenly have funneling as the fetal weight increased.

From Arabin to Elective Cerclage: The 2nd experience

Here's an update on what transpired lately, from what's planned to what really occurred later on...

Part 1: The Arabin

As the Arabin insertion is non-surgical, it's therefore done in a procedure room instead of OT.  A pre-insertion TVS was performed to check the cervical length and to make sure there isn't any opening. A post-insertion TVS was done to ensure that the Arabin is properly in place.

As initially feared, and despite a repeated attempt, the Arabin pessary did not fit despite using one size smaller (the smallest available in stock at PPUKM).  Hence, the only option left was to have an elective cervical cerclage.

As for the Arabin which I'd purchased, it's been donated to the hospital instead of being brought home as souvenir since the latter will not serve any purpose.  Hopefully it will benefit someone in need and save a baby from being delivered too soon.

While waiting for Arabin insertion by Dr Rahana outside one of the rooms of Ward 1C

The Arabin pessary

Part 2: Elective cerclage

A day before the cerclage procedure at about 15 weeks ++, for once again, I had to check into Ward 2B.  The usual pre-op procedures such as branula insertion (received a green one… argh, painful), blood count, and review by doctor from the anaesthesia and intensive care department were all completed by the noon.

For unknown reasons, the caterer had missed out my lunch.  It was oh so frustrating as hunger and mood swing simply don’t get along.  At the same time, I did not fancy troubling the husband who had gone to work after sending and accompanying me to the ward earlier.  Domino’s Pizza delivery hence came into picture.  As normal appetite had slowly resumed, a pizza for just once in a blue moon should be alright.

Pizza for the Birthday Girl

D-Day

As the cervical cerclage would be done under spinal anaesthesia (i.e. half-body anaesthesia), I was required to fast for a certain number of hours before the procedure.  No food from 2 am onwards on 23/5, and no drinks from 6 am onwards.

Morning fasting

There wasn’t emergency cases at the OT that morning, so my cerclage this time – by Prof Azurah was done at about 10 am as scheduled.  Doing it on an elective basis this time, it was fast compared to previously when it was done on an emergency basis when Aaron almost followed Alvin’s path in arriving much too soon.

I felt alright throughout the procedure, except for a moment when I felt nauseous and as if passing out as my pulse rate suddenly dropped.  Dr Nabilah who administered my anaesthesia gave me an injection via the IV line, and I gradually felt normal again.

At the observation bay, I felt extremely sleepy under the cold blast of air-conditioner and probably slept for half an hour before I was taken back to the ward on bed, where I continued to sleep for a few more hours, with thick blanket covering my legs well into the hot afternoon.  Spinal anaesthesia could make me fall asleep very easily, although I was alert when called and could respond when people talked to me.

As this is the first time I was allowed to do things on my own upon gaining my sensation after the spinal anaesthesia (compared to previously when I remained on bed for the next 24 hours and hence wasn't really aware of what's going on because everything's taken care by the nurses), it's thus a new knowledge to me that there would be some spotting immediately after a cerclage.  The doctor who came and saw me assured me it's normal and should disappear within a few days.  I was discharged on the next day, following a Proluton (hydroxyprogesterone caproate) injection.  I was advised to rest and be sedentary at home, and advised to have a medical leave of 10 days. 

What's next

According to the plan, a Proluton injection of 250 mg shall be taken on a weekly basis until 34 weeks, that's if my body permits Baby No. 3 to remain inside for long enough - fingers-crossed. 

A weekly kiss

Apart from a weekly sting on the butt - oh gosh the Proluton suspension is quite thick, my antenatal check-up is expected to be at least every fortnightly for monitoring of cervical length, on top of the normal routine.  More than halfway through the journey now, there shall be no looking back, but to embrace everything that will come along the path, which includes taking that least expected path.